The Twelve Days of Christmas
by x Varda x
Summary: …Atlantis style. Twelve independent oneshots based on an Atlantis version of the song. Ranging from parody to hurt/comfort, from angst to romance and many other things in between! Many focus on McKay and he gets hurt frequently... Now complete!
1. A Jumper Crashed into a Tree

**Disclaimer** - "Stargate" and all related characters are the property of MGM Television Entertainment.

**A/N** - thought it might be fun to give my muse a workout, so here will follow twelve oneshots linked to an Atlantis style take on 'The Twelve Days of Christmas.' All stories are independent from each other and offer a wide range of styles from humour to hurt/comfort, from angst to romance and many things in between! There will be some crack (OTT characterisation and clichés) in here too, during the parody moments…

**Rating** – ranging from K - T

**Summaries for published chapters** - On the twelfth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me...  
Twelve Wolves a-Whumping - horror/hurt/comfort - Rodney gets some unwanted attention from the locals (V1 - The Toned Down Team Version, V2 - The Nasty One)  
Eleven Bugs a-Biting - horror/hurt/comfort - Rodney wakes up in the infirmary with no recollection of how he got there  
Ten Wraith a-Running - drama - Another day... another cull...  
Nine Marines Moaning - drama - Some new recruits help escort a civilian charge into disputed territory  
Eight Shields a-Sparking - drama/parody - The team visit *yet another* damp pine forest and find *yet another* Ancient Lab  
Seven Damsels Dancing - romance/poetry/humour - Rodney McKay and his many 'lady friends' from over the years all meet during a rather strange event  
Six Wormholes Whooshing - suspense/drama - When an offworld mission goes wrong, all that Elizabeth can do is wait in the Gate Room  
Five McKay Snarks - angst/hurt/comfort - Radek tries to find out why Rodney's in such a bad mood  
Four Ronon Blasts - action/adventure/drama - Teyla and Ronon get attacked by hungry reptiles  
Three Teyla Pouts - parody - Teyla has to keep Rodney in check during an off-world mission  
Two Sheppard Drawls - parody - John helps Ronon, who is feeling a little worse for wear after Christmas  
And a Jumper Crashed into a Tree! - parody - Rodney finds out exactly what Lorne's been up to

**The First Day – 25****th**** December**

Rodney was sitting in the Mess Hall enjoying the festivities all around him. He did not like to take part and knew that he was too abrasive for anyone other than his team to risk approaching him. He thought sadly that most people probably thought of him as the kind of man who did not like Christmas or the frivolity associated with the festival.

He frowned and was just about to get up and attempt to mingle with the crowd without offending anyone, when his radio headset buzzed.

"_Major Lorne to Dr McKay."_

"McKay here."

"_Uh, I need your help, Doctor."_

Rodney scowled, "I'm enjoying a well deserved day off, but go ahead."

_"My Puddle Jumper's broken down"_

"Your… Jumper?! What are you doing in a Jumper on Christmas Day for, Major?"

_"It's all above board and everything,"_ he replied a little too quickly. _"Colonel Sheppard authorised me to take one out for a few hours and circle the planet."_

"So, what am I now, a roadside recovery company?"

_"I just knew you were the only one who could probably fix it."_

Rodney frowned in annoyance. The Major was obviously trying to be nice to him by prodding and fanning at the fire of his ego. He decided he did not really have a choice in the matter and knew he would be happier now that he had a genuine excuse to get away from his awkward social situation.

John caught him as he tried to sneak out of the room. "Hey, Rodney, where do you think you're going?"

"Nowhere," he replied quickly, trying to sound offhand.

"Riiiight," John drawled slowly and raised his eyebrows in disbelief.

Rodney rolled his eyes and gave in, "Major Lorne's Jumper's stuck. I'm going to help him out."

"Oh, okay. I'll come too."

Rodney sighed. He knew that John would not back down from his decision. He very reluctantly nodded and let Sheppard walk alongside him as he made his way to the nearest transporter and up to the Jumper Bay.

---------------

Rodney stood on the ground under a large tree and tilted his head up to look at the Jumper lodged in the upper branches. Many of them had snapped and fallen onto the ground. In fact, the entire tree looked like it was on its last legs and was about to be completely uprooted.

Rodney folded his arms across his chest and scowled up at the trapped Jumper. He turned to Major Lorne who had shimmied down a rope hanging out the back of the craft above. Next to him was a female scientist, which made Rodney's face twist even more in anger.

"So, what happened?" He asked as he eyed the two offending parties dangerously. Sheppard stood close by to make sure things did not get out of hand.

Lorne looked at him guiltily and said, "The engines just cut out."

"Engines don't 'just cut out,' Major!"

Lorne shot a nervous glance at the woman with him and she nodded at him in support. He looked down and said, "I may have pressed something I shouldn't have."

As Rodney looked between Lorne and his lady friend, his eyebrows went up so high they were in danger of retreating right up into his hairline.

Sheppard saw the situation deteriorating and quickly stepped in, "We can talk about what happened later. Can you fix the ship, McKay?"

Rodney's face still remained fixed in a stunned expression as he turned around and mumbled, "Probably. Even if I can't, we can always tow it back."

"Okay. After you then," John said, indicating the rope.

Rodney's eyes widened in panic, "Up that!? I don't know; it doesn't look very safe to me. The tree could give up at any moment with all that weight resting on it."

Lorne said, "We climbed down it alright. It didn't move at all."

"Uh, umm, well…" Rodney stammered and glanced nervously up at the Jumper.

John pushed his back and forced him towards the rope. "Come on. Just a quick climb, fix the engines and then we can go back and enjoy the rest of the day."

"Hmm, _enjoy_…" Rodney said, but he headed over to the rope anyway and making sure his tablet was secure on the back of his tac vest, he started to climb.

Very soon he was leaning over in the tilted rear compartment of the powerless Jumper and John crawled up over the open hatch and stood next to him.

Rodney held out his hand to steady himself as he walked towards the cockpit. There was an ominous groaning sound from under the Jumper and Rodney gasped in fright and grabbed hold of the wall.

The sound dissipated and fortunately the Jumper did not shift at all. Rodney went into the cockpit and sat down in the pilot's chair. John stayed in the rear compartment to balance the weight out and stood ready to move if necessary.

Rodney frowned and brought up the power distribution schematic on his tablet. "Hmm, seems some of the power has been cut off."

"I could've told you that," John said with a smirk.

Rodney sighed in annoyance and mumbled inaudibly as he continued to type. In a matter of seconds the lights came on as the Jumper powered up. The tree finally gave up its impression of being an impromptu parking space and the Jumper pitched forwards.

Rodney cried out in fear and quickly piloted the Jumper to pull the nose up before it hit the ground. He landed it a short distance away with a loud thump.

Lorne and the female scientist ran over with their faces awash with relief. John grinned at Rodney as he turned in his seat with an exasperated expression.

"I don't know what on Earth you were doing to the Jumper, Major, but it seems you pressed an awful lot of the controls and effectively locked out the power supply. Obviously, it only took _me_ a couple of seconds to fix it."

Lorne looked at him sheepishly while the woman next to him glanced away with a smirk.

Lorne then looked up and tried to keep a straight face as he said, "Thanks, Doctor McKay. Next time I'll make sure I know what my hands are doing."

John started laughing and patted the Major on the back, "You'd better or else this might have to go in your permanent record."

Lorne looked horrified until he saw the grin across Sheppard's face.

Rodney continued to scowl as he walked back to his own Jumper with Sheppard.

---------------

**On the first day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
A Jumper crashed into a tree**


	2. Two Sheppard Drawls

**The Second Day – 26****th**** December**

Ronon was nursing a massive hangover the day after Christmas. He kept his silence though and still went to an agreed sparring session with Sheppard just before lunch.

He grunted as his head throbbed under the jarring impact of the sticks as he blocked an attack from John.

Sheppard quickly recovered and brought one of his sticks forwards in a swift arc. Ronon was caught off guard as his pounding headache distracted him for a second.

He released a rapid breath as the stick cracked him across the arm and he growled.

John stopped and frowned, "Hey, what's wrong? That's the third time I've got you today and all you've been doing is blocking and deflecting."

Ronon did not like to feel weak, and a rage built up inside him because John had noticed him flagging. He roared as he swirled his sticks and aimed a flurry of hits towards Sheppard.

John moved aside and countered every hit he tried to land. Ronon howled in frustration and continued to try and catch the other man. He planted his feet and then shifted from side to side to try and get a hit in.

John turned to face him and made Ronon even angrier as he continued to keep track of the Satedan and block his every move effortlessly. Sheppard did not try an attack of his own until he noticed that Ronon was slowing down. He brought the sticks down and trapped Ronon's wrist. With a sharp twist he disarmed the man and then stood back.

Ronon clutched his head with his now free hand and groaned.

Sheppard frowned at him in confusion for a moment and then started to smile, "How much did you drink last night?"

Ronon grunted as the debilitating pain railing against his temples roared at him and he continued to feel fury. He barely managed to squeeze any words out as his vision clouded over, "Not…that…much…"

Sheppard smirked and drawled slowly in disbelief, "Reeeeeally?"

Ronon gritted his teeth and looked up at John. "I'm fine. I've just got a headache."

John's smile broadened and he went over and slapped his hand on Ronon's back sharply. "A Satedan hangover? You know there's only one cure for that?"

Ronon's face brightened and he mumbled, "A cure? Didn't think anything could be done other than to fight through it."

"Fight? I tend to just sleep when I've got one. Or maybe not have so much to drink if I know I might be running for my life the next day."

"Huh," Ronon sighed. He did not remember having much time for drink and laughter during his years as a runner. He thought maybe now he had become soft to the effects of drink and he felt the anger building up inside him again.

John quickly slapped him in between the shoulder blades again. Ronon would usually take the gesture as a sign of deep male friendship, but today it made his head spin. Ronon nearly pitched forwards after the impact and he suddenly felt John's hand gripping his upper arm.

Ronon clutched his forehead and groaned. He then muttered gruffly, "You said there was a cure?"

"Sure. Dr Keller."

Ronon gave John a confused look and then he chuckled lightly. John raised his eyebrows at the Satedan and quickly drawled, "Not like thaaaaat!"

Ronon carried on laughing as he let John guide him away towards the infirmary.

-------------------

Ronon perched on the edge of a bed in the infirmary. John hovered nearby while they waited for Jennifer.

She soon came over to them and Ronon felt his head begin to pound again as his heart sped up at the sight of the pretty young Doctor. He smiled at her as best he could and she looked between him and John briefly before she spoke.

"What have you two been up to this time?"

John answered, "We were sparring." He waved his hand to indicate Ronon, "He was letting in too many hits. I knew there was something wrong."

Ronon lifted his head and mumbled, "Headache. That's all."

Jennifer pursed her lips as she checked him. She then said, "You know I've had to treat several people already this morning for headaches."

She turned to John, who gave her an innocent look. She said, "I know it's Christmas, but I don't like the idea of people drinking themselves into a trip to the infirmary the day after."

Ronon placed the palm of his hand against his forehead as she walked away and narrowed his eyes at her back. John raised his eyebrows at Ronon and waggled his finger as he mouthed, "You're in big trouble."

Ronon nodded and smirked.

Jennifer soon came back and pressed some painkillers into his hand. "Take a couple of them now and some more in over four hours if you still feel bad. If it turns into something more serious, I want you back here straight away."

John smiled at her and she then sighed. She looked at Ronon and frowned at him before she scolded him, "The next time you feel like drinking half of our alcohol assignment from the Daedalus, I'd prefer it if you kept your comments and hands to yourself. Or maybe you should've locked yourself in a room on your own."

Ronon opened his mouth in shock and John stared at Jennifer as she raised her chin indignantly and walked away. Her hair was tied back and it swung vigorously from side to side as she stomped away.

Ronon and John shared a look and then Ronon shrugged and mumbled, "Honestly, I don't remember last night at all."

John patted his shoulder and said in sympathy, "You're not the only one…"

----------

**On the second day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Two Sheppard drawls  
And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	3. Three Teyla Pouts

**The Third Day – 27****th**** December**

Teyla frowned and pouted her lips sulkily at the retreating forms of Ronon and John as they walked through the gap in the fence around a tent in a village on P1S-555.

Rodney had agreed to stay with her and was standing opposite the entrance. He was vigorously rubbing under his nose with the back of his hand as his eyes watered. He mumbled very loudly, "Ugh, it smells like no-one here's washed for months." A burly native, wielding a rather lethal looking short sword nearby eyed him dangerously.

Rodney glanced at him and narrowed his eyes, "Or indeed, ever!"

Teyla rolled her eyes and pursed her lips as she kept close watch on the scientist in case he said anything to upset the natives further and gave them enough of an excuse to harm him.

As clever and vital as the scientist was, at times he vexed her greatly. He had a brilliant mind and his quick thinking had saved them countless times. Teyla did not think the others would be very pleased if she failed in her duty to protect Rodney and they returned to find a skewered scientist bleeding on the ground with a sword driven right through him.

Teyla went over and stood next to Rodney and narrowed her eyes at him in a warning look. He seemed confused at her expression and he said, "What kind of society downgrades women anyway? I can't believe we're going to trade with these people." He sighed in disgust and looked away.

Teyla was also upset over her treatment and exclusion from the proceedings, but she was growing increasingly anxious at Rodney's rude behaviour and he was bound to get them in terrible trouble very soon if he continued.

She grasped his upper arm in a tight and bruising grip and he yelped in fright, "Ow! What are you doing?"

Teyla frowned at him sternly and said quietly, "Shall we take a walk around the village? We may find something of interest to keep us… occupied, while we wait for John and Ronon to conclude the negotiation."

Rodney sniffed loudly and grimaced as Teyla tugged his arm and they walked away from the angry looking villager still keeping his furious gaze glued to the irritating scientist as they walked away.

Teyla had already traded with the people on numerous occasions and felt uncomfortable by Rodney's comments, no matter how truthful they were.

He pulled his arm away from her grasp with an indignant huff as they walked along a narrow and busy street. He rubbed it and gave her a hurt expression. Teyla merely glanced back at him nonchalantly.

"Um, that's going to bruise."

Teyla glared at him and said, "You will be alright, Rodney. I would rather you only had a bruise than were attacked by the villagers."

Rodney frowned in confusion and mumbled, "Attacked?" He flinched a little as a horrible thought came to him, which of course, he vocalized loudly to Teyla, "That would mean being even closer and they stink. Yuck!"

A passing villager heard him and purposefully walked into Rodney's shoulder, nearly knocking him off balance. Teyla grabbed his arm even more firmly than before to keep him upright and made him hiss.

She drew up alongside him as she forced him onwards away from the people who had overheard and spoke into his ear sternly, "Rodney… Dr McKay, you must not say such things. If you continue, something… regrettable may happen to you at the hands of the people here. I will try to stop them, of course, but you are putting me in a very difficult position."

Rodney stopped and spun round to face her. He looked angry for a moment and opened his mouth to no doubt release a long stream of inappropriate and violence inducing comments either about her or the villagers. He stopped though and thought better of it, much to Teyla's relief. Instead, he muttered, "Oh," and his face fell in realisation.

Teyla hoped he had got the message, that she may not be able to stop them from attacking him and he was putting it on himself and would the author of his own misfortune if he kept going.

Rodney sniffed again and rubbed his nose with his free hand. He gritted his teeth and bit back the comment Teyla knew he was holding inside with great difficulty.

She let go of his arm and he patted it gingerly, but again he did not speak.

Teyla nodded at him, but kept her features pinched together in a dangerous pout to make sure he had got the message that she would not tolerate any more comments from him.

They soon reached a large open patch of muddy ground at the end of the narrow street. Many people were bustling around the area and talking with each other. They ignored the Lanteans as they stepped out into the crowd. Teyla kept her eyes open for any signs of danger. She saw that it was mostly men who were allowed out and many of them stared at her as she passed.

Rodney shuffled up closer to her protectively. Teyla felt warmth in her heart over his loyalty to her. She had to admit to herself that there was indeed a rather pungent aroma from the people in the settlement, but they needed friendship to trade and she kept her peace.

Rodney looked bored and he pulled his scanner out of his tac vest and held it up to study the screen. He sighed and rolled his eyes as he tucked it back in his pocket. He turned to Teyla and mumbled, "Great, nothing at all worthy of my attention."

She was about to berate him again to make sure he did not continue, when her radio buzzed, _"Sheppard to Teyla and McKay."_

"Go ahead, Colonel.

_"Ronon and I are done with the negotiations. We'll meet you back at the Jumper."_

Rodney frowned, "That was fast!"

Ronon's voice mumbled an amused reply, _"They liked us. We got some good stuff."_

Teyla raised her eyebrows in disbelief and she started to walk with more purpose next to Rodney as they made their way across the village and back to where they had left the Jumper.

Teyla was nearly clear of the square when a large man stepped out in front of her. She could smell liquor underneath his other more unpleasant odour. He swayed a little and said, "Hello, darlin'"

Rodney frowned and moved in front of Teyla, trying to look threatening, but not really succeeding as his wide and panicked eyes gave him away. "What do you want?"

The man turned his lazy eyes onto Rodney and made the scientist's face crumple even further as he flitted his eyes nervously up at the man standing over him.

"To speak with your young lady friend here."

Rodney almost stood on tiptoes as he straightened up and fingered the 9mm gun still secured in the holster on his leg.

Teyla pouted at him and spoke quickly, before Rodney said anything to provoke the man, "We are merely going about our business and would be very grateful to you if you let us continue."

The man staggered slightly and started flailing his arms about quickly to keep balance as he wobbled closer to Teyla. Rodney stepped in front of her and completely blocked his path. Teyla saw what was coming just before a meaty fist caught Rodney a heavy blow in the chest and he fell over with a loud muddy splat onto the ground.

Teyla could see that the man obviously had no control over his movements and was not meaning to be dangerous. She looked down at Rodney and saw that he was lying on his side and his hand was curled up against his chest where he had just been hit. He coughed painfully and dragged in a laboured breath.

Before the man got too close to her, she quickly reached down and grabbed Rodney's hand and pulled him to his feet. She draped his arm over her shoulders to support him, but he rapidly shook her off as he sucked in another breath. "Oh, can we please get out of here?" Teyla looked at him in surprise and tried not to smile at his appearance.

One side of Rodney's face and the right side of his black off-world gear and tac vest were coated in dripping, light brown mud and muck.

The man had stopped moving forwards and was looking between them both. His face soon dropped and he mumbled, "Oh, I didn't realise you two were together."

Rodney went bright red and opened his mouth in shock. He started mumbling, "Me and her? We're not together… I mean not like that… I wouldn't… I couldn't…"

Teyla raised her eyebrows at Rodney as he continued and kept digging himself down even further in his discomfort, "Not that you're not attractive, just not to me…"

Teyla rolled her eyes and Rodney planted the palm of his hand on his forehead and stopped speaking.

The big man did not seem to be paying much attention to Rodney's ranting and said to him, "You are very lucky. She is very beautiful."

He bowed slightly at them and Teyla frowned and smiled across at Rodney's expression. He still had his mouth open to speak again, but no words formed against his lips as he moved them up and down like a fish.

Teyla bowed in return and said, "Thank you. However, we must now take our leave."

She pulled Rodney away from the man and they left the village.

As they walked through the field back to the Jumper, Rodney furrowed his brow and absently rubbed a hand on his sore chest. Teyla saw this and asked quietly, "Are you alright?"

Rodney glanced across at her, "Not really. I think I've now got another bruise to rival the one on my arm."

Teyla looked back at him guiltily and said, "I am very sorry, but it was necessary for our survival."

Rodney's mouth quirked upwards in a grin and he leaned in closer to her as they walked, "It hurts like hell, but I think even I may have to admit it was worth it to see the look on your face."

"And yours." Teyla smiled.

Rodney's mouth hung open again and he shook his head before turning back to look in the direction where they were going.

Teyla was still deeply amused by Rodney's reaction to the incident in the village. They soon met up with John and Ronon in the Jumper and made their way back to Atlantis.

-------------

**On the third day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
****Three Teyla pouts  
****Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	4. Four Ronon Blasts

**The Fourth Day – 28****th**** December**

Ronon fired his blaster into the approaching pack of sharp clawed and swift reptiles as they ran towards him. He growled as he tugged the bandage around his arm tighter and took another shot.

Two of the reptiles had now fallen and the rest looked on their dead kindred and stopped moving to stare at Ronon.

He thought it looked like they were calculating whether it would be worth another attempt based on what they now knew he could do.

Ronon glared back at the creatures and did not flinch at their slavering, long sharp teeth and tiny eyes. They stood on their hind legs and their scales were many shades of dark green and brown.

Ronon heard Teyla groan from close to the ground behind him. He could not afford to move his eyes from the reptiles and they eventually lost their battle with him and stalked away. He kept a wary eye on them for several minutes until they were some distance away from the two Lanteans on the wide open plain.

Ronon then took stock of his injuries briefly; he had a few cuts, but nothing too major. He then crouched down to check Teyla.

He could see a cut on her forehead where she had fallen down as Ronon pushed her out of the way from the raking claws. He had received the blow for her instead and blood was running down his arm from the slice across his bicep.

She blinked up at him slowly and said, "We should not have run. Rodney and John are still in the lab."

Ronon grunted and mumbled, "They're safe. That door was securely sealed behind us."

"I hope so." Teyla reluctantly sat up and Ronon put an arm behind her shoulders to help her. She dabbed a hand against her forehead and winced at the blood on her fingers when she took them away. She pulled a small field bandage out of her tac vest and Ronon helped her to wrap it around her injury.

"Where have the creatures gone?" She asked.

"I got a couple of them and the rest went away."

Teyla pulled a larger bandage out of her vest and bound it around Ronon's arm. He gave her a small smile by way of thanks and she nodded at him and said, "Thank you. I should have been more attentive to how fast the creatures were as they came towards us. I do believe I shot many of them, but the pack was quite large."

Ronon straightened up and used his far seeing eyes to look across the plain. He could see the lab several hundred metres away and the reptiles were standing still in a huddle much further away. Several dead ones could be seen in the short grass between Ronon, Teyla and the lab.

Ronon heard a sigh close to his ear and looked down at Teyla who was standing next to him. She looked ill and the hair around her head injury was plastered with blood.

He held her shoulder to steady her and said, "We should get back to the others. I've lost my radio."

Teyla reached up and sighed deeply as she tapped around her bare ear. "As have I."

"Come on," Ronon said and they started to walk back to the lab.

Luckily the reptiles were still keeping their distance and soon Ronon and Teyla stood outside the lab entrance. The building was small and stood out as being very strange in the centre of the plain like it was.

Ronon eyed the smooth wall in front of them and Teyla kept her P90 angled up as she watched his back and looked out across the plain.

"There's no panels or anything." Ronon hammered his bloody fist on the wall, but it was unyielding and hardly any sound was made. He could not find the door that had been sealed before they ran from the animals that were looking for an easy dinner.

Ronon's arm stung as he felt along the wall with his fingertips. He clenched his teeth and then gave up. "We'll just have to wait for them to come to us."

Teyla nodded and closed her eyes in pain. She sucked in a slow breath and let it out through her nose.

"Hey, you alright?"

"I will be fine, but I have quite a headache."

Ronon glanced at her in concern, but she had opened her eyes in a steely gaze and was tracking them around the plain once more. She said in alarm, "They are coming back!"

Ronon spun around from where he had been looking along the wall for any weakness he may be able to exploit with a few high powered blaster shots. He had not found any.

He stared at the reptiles as they gathered speed into a ground pounding lick. Mud and grass was being uprooted by their clawed feet with every impact and flew up and out behind them as they ran.

Ronon unholstered his blaster as Teyla raised her P90 with more purpose and sighted along the gun at the hungry animals bearing down on them.

They both backed up to the wall of the lab and prepared to fight valiantly for not only their own lives, but for Rodney and John who were still inside the lab behind them and probably had no idea about the imminent danger.

The pack reached firing range and Teyla held her finger on the trigger of her P90 and peppered the creatures with bullets. Ronon was more measured in his attack and fired a maximum power blast into a reptile at the front of the pack.

The shot killed the creature instantly and as it fell down, it took many of the other reptiles with it in a tangle of claws and gnashing teeth. A loud and angry roar emanated from one of the fallen which shook Ronon to the core.

Teyla's bullets pierced scales, but the creatures were relentless and it took many hits for them to go down.

Ronon shot another blast the same as the first, but there were far too many of the reptiles and they were now so close. He prepared himself to fight with his sword and his bare hands if necessary and roared at them.

He had just lined up another shot, when a sudden rapid downdraft of air forced him to his knees. The same happened to Teyla next to him and she cried out in shock and held her head as she stopped firing.

Ronon looked up at the sky and saw the underside of a Jumper hovering above them. He then looked out towards the reptiles, which had also been buffeted by the wind. They looked slightly confused and dazed as they continued to come closer to the lab at a tentative walk.

Ronon lifted up a rapidly numbing and dripping arm and his hand shook as he tried to aim his blaster at the creatures. Before he could fire, a large ball of energy flew from the side of the Jumper and enveloped the reptiles. They growled and roared in frustration as the energy trapped them and drove them backwards.

The Jumper swooped down and hovered a step up from the ground, close to Ronon and Teyla.

The rear hatch opened and a fearful face peered out from the rear compartment. He looked around nervously and a man behind him called out, "We don't have all day, McKay! You said yourself that the Ancient herding device is untested and we don't know how long it will hold them!"

Rodney steeled his expression and stepped off the hatch. He helped to get Teyla into the waiting Jumper and Ronon could hear him muttering under his breath. "Dinosaurs… A rare delicacy, yeah right, if they don't rip your head off when you try to catch them."

Ronon grinned and wondered what the reptiles tasted like, if the Ancients had created technology just to capture them, he reasoned it must be good. He had taken enough of them down with Teyla and was now curious.

Rodney glanced at him from the other side of Teyla and said, "Don't even think about it! I'll stick with eating things that don't want to eat me in return."

Teyla smiled as they stepped up into the rear compartment and Ronon and Rodney sat her down on the bench. She said, "How did you get to us?"

Rodney spoke quickly, "I saw the life signs on the detector. You drew them away from the lab and when we couldn't reach you on the radios, we investigated. We came out and sealed the lab before we spotted the pack of dinosaurs. Thought it would be better to pick you up in the Jumper so we ran back. I rigged up the device we found and Sheppard flew us down so quickly over your heads I thought he was going to drop down and squash you both flat!"

Teyla held her head and looked up at him. She said at length, "Dinosaurs? I wonder what they would taste like with Athosian spices?" At Rodney's expression she added, "I am also interested in trying something a little different."

Rodney just rolled his eyes and left her in Ronon's care. He went back into the cockpit to help John with the new device they had attached to the Jumper and get them back to Atlantis as fast as they could.

----------

**On the fourth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Four Ronon blasts  
Three Teyla pouts  
Two Sheppard drawls  
And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	5. Five McKay Snarks

**The Fifth Day – 29****th**** December**

McKay breezed into the briefing with his staff at 8am on the dot. He glanced around at the gathered scientists and noted with annoyance that several of them were smiling and a few muttered to each other and laughed.

He clapped his hands together loudly and many people jumped as the room fell into stunned silence. "Okay people, Christmas is over. We've still got a lot of work to do before this city reveals all its secrets to us. Sitting about all day is not going to make the work we need to do fly away or complete itself."

He glared around at the mutinous faces staring back at him. Many of them turned away, but he made a mental note of those who did not.

When he was absolutely sure that he had their full attention, he pointed to the offenders in turn and said, "You, you, you and you at the back, there are some ruptured toilet water pipes around the Central Tower."

He mumbled to the side, "A few days off and the whole city goes to pot… either that or it's someone's idea of a joke… It's not funny," McKay said angrily and pointed at the chuckling woman who immediately tried to hide from him behind another scientist's back, "And for that, you can join them!"

The woman groaned and glared back at him as though she was wishing a very slow and horrendously painful death upon him.

McKay flinched a little and grimaced at the look he received. He shook his head and narrowed his eyes as he tried to equal and exceed her expression. He then frowned around the room to make sure no-one else felt like challenging him.

He nodded in satisfaction at the gathered team as they all resolutely kept their eyes averted from his.

He pointed to some more of the scientists, not remembering their names and quickly assigned them into teams and made sure they all knew what to do.

Dr Zelenka was brave enough to be sitting near the front in the briefing room while the others shrank away from McKay's bad mood. He did not flinch as McKay turned to look at him. "Zelenka, you're with me today."

"Lucky me…"

McKay lifted his chin indignantly but did not grace his comment with a verbal acknowledgement. "We need to look at that lab over on the South Pier that's been draining all the power from the Mess Hall. I for one am tired of having to walk another mile just to get a cup of coffee, as if I have all the time in the world and nothing better to do!"

Some of the scientists' faces changed in realisation, but they made no other motion that they had finally noticed the source of McKay's frustration.

A tense silence hung in the air as none of the gathered team dared to fill the void with questions, which sometimes came at this point in every briefing.

McKay sighed angrily and scrubbed the palm of his hand across his forehead in exasperation. "Come on, snap to it!" He clapped his hands together sharply again and the scientists scurried away as fast as they could to get away from him.

Zelenka hovered by the door and waited for Rodney to join him. McKay turned around to pick up his tablet. Zelenka gave his back a long suffering look at what he was about to have to endure with the man, who was even more irritated and angry than usual. He knew it was going to be a very long day.

Rodney huffed out a breath and his forehead creased into a permanent frown as he walked with Radek towards to transporter.

-----------

McKay shoved the giant plastic Christmas tree aside as he prowled around the Ancient lab with his tablet in hand. It tilted over malevolently and snapped back in place, nearly striking him on the head before it settled.

Radek was maintaining a safe distance, with his face torn between amusement and neutrality. He was losing the battle though and hoped that Rodney did not turn to look at him.

Zelenka raised his eyebrows at the multicoloured flashing lights on the tree and shook his head as he looked down at his own computer. He could see that the tree had been plugged into a main power conduit and was causing it to divert in a feedback loop into the lab, so that no power was getting through to where it was needed.

Rodney typed on his tablet and sighed heavily. He looked up and narrowed his eyes at the layout of the lab. He noted the place where he needed to be was in a channel between a high cabinet secured to the floor and the wall. He gritted his teeth in fear as he realised how small the space was. He turned to look at Radek.

Zelenka was still keeping well away from Rodney just in case he decided to let rip a scathing diatribe aimed at himself. He shrugged and then nodded at McKay. "That is the correct place."

Rodney frowned angrily and muttered, "Of course it is! Nothing's ever easy is it! It's like everyone's out trying to make me mad on purpose." McKay's face suddenly fell and he furrowed his brow in sadness as he sighed quietly.

Radek felt concern wash over him, "I could do it if you prefer." Rodney glared defiantly back at him briefly and Zelenka's sorry feelings towards the man dissipated like a bucket of iced water being tossed over his head.

Rodney put his tablet down on the floor and grabbed a pair of wire cutters out of his pocket before he turned and sidestepped into the narrow space.

When he was several metres into the space, he stretched up onto tiptoes and pried a panel away from the wall. He dropped it down onto the floor and reached up to pull out some of the wires. Rodney gritted his teeth as he started snipping the leads.

The Christmas tree suddenly winked out and Radek looked at his tablet. "Okay, it is done. Power is now back to normal into the Mess Hall."

He looked up and watched as McKay cut the final wire. He then widened his eyes as Rodney was brutally thrown back into the cabinet close behind him with a hollow thudding sound. He then bounced back and was flattened against the wall.

Radek dashed over to the opening of the narrow space as Rodney grimaced and held his side tightly as he struggled to draw breath. He pressed his face against the wall as he leaned heavily against it with his eyes closed.

Zelenka could see steadily bleeding burns on McKay's other hand and up his sleeve as his arm hung uselessly beside him. He reached up and tapped his radio, "I need a medical team to the South Pier."

Radek wormed his way into the space and grasped Rodney's upper arm. McKay moaned but gave no resistance as Zelenka pulled him along until he was out in the middle of the lab again.

McKay mumbled angrily, but there was very little fight left in his voice, "Can't you stop that! I can hardly breathe. Oh, ow ow ow. I think I've broken all my ribs and I can't feel my arm at all."

"There was some residual power left in the last circuit you cut. Shame it did not shock you into a better mood."

"Oh, har har. Very funny! Mock the injured man at Death's door."

Radek pressed his lips together in a thin line and kept his hand on Rodney's arm to keep him upright as he leant over slightly at the waist. McKay turned to look at him and there was pain clearly shown in his face. As Radek finally saw his friend close up that day, he was shocked at the lines of weariness and stress along with the black circles around Rodney's tired blue eyes.

McKay started flagging either through the pain or his body finally letting him know that enough was enough. He bent over double and hung his head down as he sagged towards the ground.

Radek could no longer keep him standing and stood behind him and held onto him under the arms as he sunk down onto the floor with a pained hiss. "Uh, broken ribs here," he mumbled indignantly as Zelenka supported him just before he landed.

He sat hunched over and Radek joined him on the floor while they waited for the medical team. He frowned at McKay's expression where the anger had all melted away into sorrow as he laid bare his true feelings for all to see.

"What is wrong, Rodney?"

"What? Aside from the punctured lung and numb arm that I'll probably never be able to use again?"

Radek winced and shook his head, "You have been in bad mood all morning and it looks like you have not slept for days. Am I right?"

Rodney hugged his uninjured arm across his chest and dragged in a deep breath, which he let out through clenched teeth as it hurt him. He took a shallower breath and sighed sadly. He closed his eyes and Radek sat tense and ready to grab him if he passed out.

Rodney suddenly let out a low and mournful moan and furrowed his brow. He bent over more and hung his head down in anguish. Radek shifted himself closer and laid a hand on Rodney's back. He did not receive any noticeable pain response, so reasoned that his friend was not as badly hurt as he was making out, at least not physically. He rubbed his hand gently on Rodney's back to comfort him while they waited.

Zelenka was surprised when Rodney narrowly opened his eyes, but kept his face averted as he spoke.

"I had to work over Christmas while everyone else was partying and making more work for me with their amusing jokes."

Radek suddenly felt terribly guilty for taking time off at Christmas. The feeling only intensified to a point of almost physical pain as Rodney continued in his dejected and sad voice.

"Blocking up toilets, plugging decorations into unchecked power outlets, drinking and making a lot of noise around my lab during the day as I worked and my quarters when I tried to grab an hour of sleep."

Rodney looked up at the Christmas tree looming over them and turned away again, "I could barely keep my head above water as I dashed from disaster to malfunction to try and fix all the damage before it spun out of control."

"I am very sorry, Rodney. You should have called me if you needed help. I do not mind."

Rodney looked down at his damaged and shaking hand and grimaced. He said, "And ruin your Christmas? Isn't it better just to have one person having a miserable time?"

Radek shook his head; "No-one should have to endure in silence at this time of the year. You should have told someone about the problems so that they could have been stopped."

Rodney gave him a small smile. "I didn't want to be the one to spoil it for everyone."

"It is unfair to you. I will have words with Mr Woolsey about it."

Rodney gave him a horrified look and widened his eyes. Radek saw the look and quickly muttered, "I will not, of course, mention any names."

McKay's face comically switched from fear to a grin and he said, "Thanks."

The medical team soon came into the room and Dr Keller crouched down and examined Rodney's burns. Radek stood up and nodded at Rodney as a look of understanding passed between them.

While Rodney's damaged hand and arm were being securely wrapped in bandages, Jennifer knelt down behind him and lifted his shirt. She placed her stethoscope against his back and listened intently for a few seconds.

Radek grimaced in sympathy at the dark bruise visible on Rodney's back from where he had hit the cabinet. Jennifer gently felt along his ribs and he twitched and flinched when she found a tender spot.

She pursed her lips and moved herself around to crouch in front of Rodney. She said quietly, "There's nothing broken, but that's a hell of a bruise and it's going to be very sore for a while. We need to clean up and properly bandage that hand and arm too."

Rodney looked up at her and smiled. She helped him back upright with the rest of the medical team. Radek followed them out of the lab as they guided Rodney towards the infirmary.

-------------

**On the fifth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Five McKay snarks  
Four Ronon blasts  
Three Teyla pouts  
Two Sheppard drawls  
And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	6. Six Wormholes Whooshing

**The Sixth Day – 30****th**** December**

Dr Weir stood on the balcony of the Control Room and watched as the wormhole formed into existence in the Stargate. She tilted her head back and followed the Puddle Jumper with her gaze as it lowered down from the bay above.

She spoke into her radio, "Good luck and we'll see you in a few hours."

John replied, _"Thanks."_

A slightly panicked voice then reached her ear,_ "Send out the search parties if we don't check in in five!"_

Elizabeth smiled and replied, "Of course we will, Rodney."

She shook her head in exasperation as the Jumper flew through the blue pool and the gate shut down behind it.

Elizabeth turned around and slowly walked back through Control Room, past the technicians who were tapping away on the computers and monitoring the city around them. She was contemplating the reports she needed to write as she moved along the balcony to her office when Chuck called out behind her, "Unscheduled off-world activation!"

Elizabeth baulked, they had only been gone a matter of seconds. She restrained herself not to run as she rapidly made her way over and stood behind Chuck. He already had the shield raised and was frowning at the screen in front of him.

She asked, "Any IDC?"

He shook his head and set his face in a grim expression as he typed and concentrated, "We're receiving an audio transmission."

A high pitched and frightened voice came over the speakers, _"…my attempts to lose them… I repeat; this is McKay. We were attacked as soon as we got through the gate on the other side. Colonel Sheppard's been injured."_

Elizabeth thought it sounded like he was speaking through gritted teeth and his voice strained to reach any volume. Her heart sped up in horror at the fear she heard in his voice as he continued, almost without enough time to draw breath between sentences. _"I'm going to try and shake them off. If I fail, I'm sending through a few addresses where I will continue my attempts to lose them."_

Elizabeth opened her mouth to reply, but the gate suddenly shut down with a loud and very final sounding whoosh.

She looked down at Chuck, who turned in his seat and shook his head, "I'm sorry, we lost the connection."

"Dial it again."

He pressed the symbols, but no wormhole formed. He tried three more times and all the while, Elizabeth could still feel her heart pounding and a cold shiver ran through her at thoughts of what could possibly have happened for the mission to go downhill right from the start.

She said, "Keep trying, I'm going to have a word with Major Lorne."

Chuck paused mid strike, with his hand above the DHD and said, "You may need Dr Zelenka's help with the data Dr McKay sent to us. It's heavily encrypted."

She nodded and tapped her radio, "Weir to Dr Zelenka, Dr Beckett and Major Lorne. Meet me in the Briefing Room in ten minutes."

----------

Carson frowned across at Elizabeth in concern as she relayed everything she had heard over the radio. "You have no idea as to John's condition?"

She shook her head, "Unfortunately not. He didn't say anything over the radio."

Major Lorne said to him, "And we don't know exactly what happened either."

Radek typed on his tablet and said, "It is a space gate so probably the Wraith who attacked them so quickly."

He looked at his computer, stopped typing and looked confused. He then lifted his eyes and glanced across at Elizabeth. "This encryption, it is very easy for Rodney. I have already broken through it. It is unusual for him to work so sloppily, unless…"

Elizabeth pursed her lips and finished Radek's line of thought, "He's hurt too."

Carson sat up straighter in his chair and said, "I'll have a medical team ready to go at the drop of a hat. Just tell me where you want us."

Lorne's expression clouded over and he narrowed his eyes as he thought for a few seconds. His eyes then snapped up and locked with Elizabeth's and he said, "I think we should take a rescue team out now. Dr Zelenka has the addresses, how many?"

"Four."

"If both Colonel Sheppard and Dr McKay are badly injured; they may not be able to call for help."

Carson said, "Aye, and every minute we wait counts against them."

Elizabeth mulled over her decision for a fraction of a second before she nodded and said, "Very well. Major Lorne, assemble your team."

He pushed his chair back and turned to Carson, "I'd like you to accompany us with a medical team."

Carson nodded grimly and tapped his radio to gather a few of his staff together to meet him in the Jumper bay with their gear.

Elizabeth drew up alongside Radek as they walked out of the room. "Dr Zelenka, I would like you to try some of those addresses with Chuck and see whether you can pick up anything."

The Czech scientist nodded and followed her up to the Control Room. He sat down in a spare chair and Elizabeth hovered nearby to wait for them.

Chuck dialled the first address and the wormhole whooshed open. The pool quickly splashed out into the Gate Room.

After a few seconds Elizabeth asked, "Anything?"

Chuck shook his head, "No."

"We should try next address," Radek said as he typed on his laptop.

Elizabeth nodded in agreement and the Gate shut down. Chuck hammered the buttons on the DHD until another rippling blue light could be seen in the Gate.

Again, they waited. Radek shook his head and sighed, "Still nothing. Try address three."

Elizabeth felt a cold sweat on her forehead; there were only two more addresses to try. If neither worked, Rodney and John may be lost forever.

Once more, Chuck dialled the Gate and the wormhole formed. The air was tense, but soon Radek flinched a little as he typed.

He suddenly announced in grim triumph, "That is it! I am detecting Jumper beacon."

Elizabeth sighed in relief and tapped her radio, "Atlantis to Jumper Six."

There was no reply so she gave a questioning glance to Chuck. He nodded, "The channel is open."

"Dr Weir to Dr McKay and Colonel Sheppard. Please respond."

A quiet voice answered after a tense moment, _"McKay."_

Elizabeth let out a sigh in relief over that single word. "What is your current situation?" There was more silence and she frowned, "Rodney?"

He spoke even more softly than before and Elizabeth saw Chuck turning the volume up. _"I crashed it into the last dart. Sheppard's still out cold, he's got a concussion and I think his arm is broken."_

"It _was_ the Wraith then?" Radek asked as he stared into space while he listened to the transmission.

"_Yes. They took out the cloak, then the shield, drones, just everything…"_ Rodney's voice was getting weaker and he trailed off into silence at the end. Elizabeth thought he still sounded tense and afraid.

"Rodney, how are _you_?"

There was another long pause until he answered, _"Not too bad. But Sheppard's worse than I am."_

Elizabeth furrowed her brow and said, "Hang in there, Rodney. Major Lorne's organising a rescue team now. I'll patch you through to Carson."

_"Okay."_

Elizabeth nodded at Chuck and he typed a few keys to redirect the transmission, "This is Weir, we've made contact with the missing Jumper. I've got Rodney on the line. He says Colonel Sheppard has a head injury. He won't give us any details about his own condition."

"Ach, Rodney not complaining; that doesn't sound too good. Put him through."

Elizabeth looked down at the open Stargate and wondered what Carson was saying to Rodney on the private channel. She hoped his denial of injuries was not because he was too badly hurt for him to have any hope left. She shook her head in exasperation. The stubborn man would complain and lament every splinter, but when he was seriously hurt, he would brush people off as well as any of the others in his team. She sincerely hoped he was not downplaying the extent of his injuries and pain to Carson as well while they spoke.

The intercomm suddenly activated again and made Elizabeth jump. Chuck quickly dialled the volume down to the normal level.

"_Major Lorne to Control Room."_

"This is Weir, go ahead Major."

_"We're ready to go. I've rounded up some marines and another gene carrier to fly the downed Jumper back if it's salvageable. Dr Beckett's with us and he's brought enough gear to set up a small hospital along with a medical team."_

"Glad to hear that. You have a green. Bring them back safely."

_"Acknowledged. Lorne out."_

Elizabeth leant on the railing for the second time that day. Her body and mind were tense with anxiety as she watched the second Jumper swoop down and fly through the gate.

She stood there even as the gate shut down once more and drew in some deep breaths to relax her nerves. An off-world team getting into trouble happened so frequently that she was becoming an expert at keeping her emotions hidden from the rest of the expedition. Not that she felt nothing, she just had to hide her own fears in order to keep everyone else strong.

Once she was sure that her face was once again steely and stoic she turned around and gave a reassuring nod to Radek and Chuck as she passed them and walked into her office. It could be hours before Major Lorne checked in, so she may as well try and get some work done, rather than hovering and making everyone nervous.

----------------

Elizabeth's eyes tracked across the screen on her laptop as she tried to read a recent mission report. She was finding it difficult to concentrate and none of the words were passing into her mind as her sight uselessly moved along the lines of text. She sighed and leant back in her chair and closed her eyes. She tried not to imagine what was happening on the other side of the gate.

She rubbed her eyes as she stood up. She walked over into the Control Room just as the Gate activated again. She called out to Chuck and Radek, "Report."

Radek answered, "It is the rescue team. Receiving IDC."

Chuck said, "It's Major Lorne's."

"Lower the shield." Elizabeth tapped her radio, "Medical teams to the Gate Room."

They had been ready and waiting and a group of people walked into the room below Elizabeth wheeling two gurneys and carrying a lot of equipment in bags.

The Jumper came back through the Gate and turned slightly before landing in the middle of the Gate Room. The rear hatch opened and Elizabeth looked on helplessly as the missing team members were strapped onto the gurneys and wheeled away. Carson called out commands to his team, but they were lost on Elizabeth. She could only see that both Rodney and John were unconscious, but apparently still alive.

Once the injured men were safely away from the Jumper, Lorne powered up the engines again and it rose up into the bay above.

-------------

It was several hours before Carson called Elizabeth down to the infirmary to report on the condition of her Chief Scientist and Chief Military Officer. Major Lorne, with Dr Zelenka's help, had managed to salvage the crashed Jumper using the grapple and they had only just returned from their mission.

Elizabeth was surprised to find Ronon and Teyla in the infirmary with Carson when she stepped through the door. "I thought you were visiting your people on the mainland, Teyla."

She gave her a small smile, "Ronon and I came back as soon as we heard what had happened. John and Rodney need our support. I can visit my people at any time."

Elizabeth nodded at her in gratitude and then turned and looked at the two occupied beds in the infirmary. John was asleep and his arm was in a thick plaster cast across his chest. Rodney had his head tilted back and a breathing tube protruded from his mouth as a ventilator breathed for him. He also had bandages wrapped around his chest and abdomen.

Elizabeth frowned in concern and turned to Carson, "What happened to them?"

He sighed sadly and said, "John's injuries were exactly as reported. We set his arm and he has already been conscious. We'll monitor him for a day or so to make sure his concussion is not serious."

He turned to McKay and shook his head, "Rodney was a little more worse for wear. I'm amazed he managed to remain conscious at all and pilot the Jumper. He not only saved his own life, but also that of Colonel Sheppard. We surgically repaired his internal bleeding and punctured lung. He stopped breathing shortly after we reached him, so we're giving him a hand until he's got some of his strength back."

Elizabeth nodded and said, "Thank you, Carson."

"Aye." He turned and checked the monitors around both Rodney and John's beds.

Teyla and Ronon sat down in chairs between the two men and Teyla carefully clasped Rodney's hand. Elizabeth nodded at them and said, "I'll be in my office if you need me."

Teyla looked up and nodded at her in acknowledgment, "Do not worry. We will remain here with them until they are better."

Elizabeth turned away and felt the weight compressing her heart lessen as she walked through the door. She even allowed herself a tight smile in relief that Rodney and John were still alive and in good hands. She headed back to the Control Room and steeled herself ready for the next event that would follow for Rodney and John when the unlucky pair were released from the infirmary and sent off on another mission.

------------------

**On the sixth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me...  
****Six wormholes whooshing  
****Five McKay snarks  
****Four Ronon blasts  
****Three Teyla pouts  
****Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	7. Seven Damsels Dancing

A/N – Dr Rodney McKay is apparently a bit of a womaniser, and after this you may think so too…  
Allina is from S1's 'Brotherhood'  
Nola is from S3's 'The Game'

**The Seventh Day – 31****st**** December (AKA The Time Torn Ball)**

_The wonderful time torn ball  
Took part in a cavernous hall  
All agreed it an awesome sight  
Marked by dancing and changing of light  
All were under its spell and enthralled_

The hall that had been found on Atlantis was indeed very large and had been bedecked in all manner of knickknacks and doodads. The huge party to welcome in the New Year had been carefully planned since the end of Christmas Day. It was truly a special occasion, the start of a brand new year. Fearful hopes for the future along with shameful memories of the year past clashed and fought in the minds of the pensive partygoers.

Flashing disco lights and the inbuilt Ancient sound system piped out ball room dancing music loudly as the participants swayed and held each other in tight embraces and spun across the dance floor unaware of their future fates and the troubles to come.

Streamers hung down from the ceiling and along the walls. There was food and drink and happiness alongside the strange events which were about to follow. No one knew of the changes only those looking on from above and around.

_**7pm (Season 1)**_

_First to dance were McKay and Weir  
__Although he gave her a nasty leer  
__She resented his air  
__And the hand in her hair  
__And soon shook him off with a sneer_

Rodney stumbled backwards, looking confused, but Elizabeth just shook her head sadly and said to him, "We can't. I'm sorry, but I'm the leader of Atlantis. I need to keep a clear head in order to run the base."

McKay looked a little put out and walked over to the surrounding people up next to the wall. He glared back at Elizabeth briefly and she looked at him in sorrow. Rodney then turned away looking hurt and soon his eyes rested on Allina.

She forced her way forwards and ignored his oblivious and then startled expression as she took his hand.

They danced very briefly and Rodney soon pulled away looking confused and uncomfortable. He turned to glance across the room at the spectators. They nodded at him in encouragement and suddenly he realised what was going on. His face switched into a happy expression as he smiled widely.

While his back was turned on Allina, she drew out a long, serrated blade and quick as a flash, stabbed it up to the hilt into Rodney's back. He only had time to gasp in shock before it pierced his heart and he furrowed his brow as the betrayal hurt him more deeply than the blade ever could. He spat blood from his mouth as he fell. Allina stood over him with a cold expression showing no remorse and only a steely righteousness in her eyes.

_Allina plunged the knife into Rodney's back  
__He cried out in shock at the attack  
__She pierced his heart with the blade  
__His sight started to fade  
__Blood from his mouth, down his chin it did track_

_**8pm (Season 2)**_

_The attending couples' attire  
Suits and dresses and eyes on fire  
Long skirts out fanned  
Men led women by the hand  
But the dancing was pretty dire_

John and Elizabeth danced, while Rodney looked on feeling a little lost without her.

Laura Cadman came over to him and suddenly grabbed his hand forcefully. Rodney tried to break away from her, but her grasp was too strong for him.

She raised her eyebrows at him in understanding over his awkwardness, but Rodney just shuffled his feet uncomfortably. They danced only briefly and then she rolled her eyes and then shook her head.

Rodney sighed in relief as she retreated to the edge of the room and instead grabbed Carson's hand and led him out onto the dance floor.

_McKay and Cadman had an interesting start  
__She wormed her way right into his heart  
__Rodney was glad they were split  
__After his fit  
__They cursed the day they went near a Wraith Dart_

Rodney only looked confused for a while and then he took the hand of Katie Brown. He bowed to her briefly before he guided her onto the dance floor.

_**9pm (Season 3)**_

The music faltered and Rodney broke away from Katie Brown. She retreated into the crowd and continued to watch the other couples as they danced.

Rodney himself found a lady called Nola and he smiled guiltily as he danced with her for a moment. Sheppard soon came over and pushed them apart with a stern expression.

_McKay and Nola were not meant to be  
__He took advantage as she bent on one knee  
__To Rodney it was only a game  
__Nola thought he was rather lame  
_"_Ugh, not with you, now I'm free!"_

_**10pm (Season 4)**_

It was starting to get late, and the atmosphere ramped up to a much more serious moment in the course of the Time Torn Ball. Couples drew closer and the lights lowered.

Rodney danced with Sam Carter for a moment, but she managed to get away from him and he retreated back to dance with Katie once more.

_Fiery McKay and Carter butted heads  
__Hot tempers matched till they saw red  
__Rodney wished it forever  
__But all he got was, "Never!"  
__Carter pushed him away as she fled_

Rodney and Katie danced closer than before. He hugged her tightly and they swayed gently during a particularly slow number.

The music faltered and he suddenly looked upon her in fear and shook his head sadly. He said, "I'm sorry. I can't."

She furrowed her brow in confusion at his back as he walked away from her. She then departed from the Time Torn Ball and never returned.

_She must've thought him a crushing bore  
__As Rodney laid himself out on the floor  
__Katie Brown rolled her eyes  
__Slapped her hands on her thighs  
__As McKay walked away through the door_

When Rodney came back just before 11pm, he glanced around the room. He saw Jennifer Keller standing on her own at the very edge of the room. He nervously sidled up and stood next to her. She gave him a small smile and he indicated the dance floor before he asked, "Shall we?"

She nodded and took his hand as he led her out and they danced for a short while.

_McKay and Keller under the light  
__Gave Ronon Dex a terrible fright  
__Sheppard shook his head  
__Rolled his eyes and then said,  
_"_Truly, that's an unexpected sight."_

_**11pm (Season 5)**_

As the Time Torn Ball neared it's conclusion, Rodney and Jennifer kept dancing. He grew more confident and held her close to whisper his secret in her ear.

She smiled happily so that he did not see it for a while.

Close to midnight, she tilted her head back from where it had been resting on his shoulder as they embraced. She grinned and then her face fell into a serious expression. She then confirmed his suspicions and finally returned that which he had already given to her.

_Jennifer and Rodney danced  
Although it was more of a prance  
They tried not to smother  
The other lover  
Each were so entranced_

_"Ouch!" Jennifer hissed  
When Rodney's feet missed  
He'd stomped on her foot  
Covering her shoe with soot  
So, they gave up on dancing and kissed._

When the clock reached twelve, Jennifer and Rodney continued to kiss for a long time. When they their lips parted, they gazed into each other's eyes. The crowd around them roared in jubilation over the end of one year and the start of another. Rodney and Jennifer ignored the noise of the storm all around them and remained the only still figures in the hall at the Time Torn Ball. The scene around them blurred until they were the only people in focus and they stayed frozen in that moment forever.

**12pm (Season 6)**

_He longed to roll with her in the hay  
__All things to turn to cliché  
__When the clock struck twelve  
__To the new year he did delve  
__Then McKay took Keller away_

-----

_The delectable Rodney McKay  
Has trouble keeping women at bay  
Those big blue eyes  
He's incredibly wise  
Who can resist his snarkastic way?_

_-----_

**On the seventh day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Seven damsels dancing  
Six wormholes whooshing  
Five McKay snarks  
Four Ronon blasts  
Three Teyla pouts**  
**Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**

A/N – Huge thanks to **Ilerya82** for help with the McKeller limericks (all the rest are mine…)


	8. Eight Shields a Sparking

**The Eighth Day – 1****st**** January**

Ronon and Teyla trampled the undergrowth behind Rodney and John as they walked through the very familiar setting of the shady and damp pine forest.

Ronon grunted and asked, "Why does every planet we visit look the same?"

Rodney spun around and answered, "I don't know! Maybe the Ancients had a thing for the smell of freshly fallen pine needles." He kept walking backwards until his foot slipped into a large hole in between a couple of fallen branches, "Eeek!" He cried out in surprise and fell over backwards.

Teyla hurried over to him and helped him to sit upright. Rodney breathed heavily and pointed down at his trapped foot, "Um…I'm stuck."

Ronon unholstered his blaster and aimed it at the branch pinning Rodney's foot.

Teyla stood up quickly and stepped in front of the gun as she exclaimed, "I believe that there are easier ways!"

She then turned around and crouched down next to Rodney with John. Together they lifted the branch and Rodney wriggled his foot free. He inspected his boot for signs of damage and rolled his ankle a couple of times.

Ronon asked, "How is it?"

"Broken, probably. I don't think I'll be able to walk."

John said, "You seemed to be moving it alright then. Come on let's get you up."

When Rodney was finally vertical again he tested his weight and winced.

Teyla put a hand on his shoulder, "We should head back."

Rodney tested his weight again and sunk back down to the ground, "It's hopeless!" He mumbled as he put his head in his hands, "I'm going to die."

Ronon went over and sat next to him, while Teyla and John looked on impassively.

Rodney sniffed and looked up after a few minutes. He said, "Hang on a moment," and proceeded to untie the boot on his damaged foot.

He upended the contents of the military issue combat footwear and raised his eyebrows in surprise as a cascade of dirt and tiny twigs fell out and landed on the ground in a heap.

"Hmm," he said as he stared at the pile and tied his boot back on.

After that, Rodney walked with a marked (and probably exaggerated) limp, but was so engrossed in the screen of his hand scanner he remained strangely mute. They soon came upon the structure they were looking for.

"This is incredible!" He exclaimed, coming to an abrupt halt just before they entered the clearing where the Ancient lab was located. He tapped on the screen of the tiny scanner and then hit the side of the device sharply with the palm of his hand and shook it.

The others had also stopped and waited for Rodney to continue. John's eyes widened at Rodney's mistreatment of the scanner and he asked, "What're you doing, McKay? Those things don't grow on trees."

Rodney glared daggers at him, "Just making sure it's not broken."

A frown creased Teyla's face and she remarked, "Why would it be broken? What is so incredible?"

Rodney looked up at her with his eyes wide in excitement, tremors ran down into his hands and he said, "I hope it's not giving false readings otherwise this will be one of the best discoveries we've made all year! Nothing else the Ancient's made could ever top this!"

Ronon growled, "Are you going to tell us what it is?"

John concurred off to the side, "I know, he's driving me nuts too…"

Rodney lifted his chin into the air and said indignantly, "It's a multi-layer, recharging shield. If these readings are accurate, it's been active for over ten thousand years! It goes without saying that this is one of the most advanced pieces of Ancient technology we've ever found."

John raised his eyebrows incredulously, "You can bet on that! How does it work?"

Rodney scowled down at the scanner and mumbled, "Don't know. I'm still trying to understand it"

Teyla frowned, "Really?"

John elaborated, "Means that McKay's finally in over his head."

"Hardly…" Rodney grimaced as he walked unevenly forwards, still intently studying the screen of his scanner as he waved it ahead of himself under his nose. He cleared the edge of the trees and kept moving forwards, not really paying any attention to where his feet landed.

"Hmm, interesting. It looks like…" he stopped speaking with a yelp as he hit an invisible barrier and was thrown backwards in a shower of blue sparks. Ronon dashed forwards and caught him before he hit the ground. He carefully lowered Rodney into a sitting position. He had his eyes closed with his brow furrowed and his chest hitched in fright as he took a few shaky breaths.

John and Teyla crouched next to him. Rodney cracked his eyes open and dropped the scanner into the undergrowth as he reached up a trembling hand and placed his singed fingers into his mouth. John patted him on the back and asked, "Hey, you okay, buddy?"

Rodney grimaced as he sucked his fingertips absent mindedly for a further few seconds. "Not really," he mumbled between his fingers. He then reached behind his back and pulled his tablet free with a hiss and wince.

Ronon quickly grabbed Rodney's wrist before he could start working as the scientist continued to shake almost imperceptibly. He turned Rodney's hand palm upwards and frowned at the scientist's angry red and blistered fingers.

Rodney pulled his damaged hand out of the Satedan's grip and held it against his chest while he tapped with his other hand on the tablet. John decided he was not going to have any of it though and drew out his knife.

Rodney stopped working from where he had, with Teyla's help, retrieved his scanner and plugged it into the tablet. He eyed the knife nervously and asked, "Wh-What are you doing?"

John answered, "It's for your own good."

Rodney curled his hand more firmly against his chest and cringed. His eyes were wide and frightened as he continued to look at the knife. John reached into one of his tac vest pockets and pulled out a bottle of water. He used the knife to cut the bottle in half and although a lot of the water was lost, it remained close to the top of the new half-bottle. He sat down next to Rodney and carefully peeled the scientist's injured hand away from his chest and dunked his burnt fingers into the water.

Rodney let out a sigh of relief and John mumbled, "No running water, best I can do."

Ronon looked up at the sky as Rodney continued to work on his tablet where he sat on the forest floor next to John. Teyla stood nearby and watched the surrounding trees warily. Ronon grumbled, "Running water won't be a problem soon."

No sooner had he finished speaking, than large drops of rain began falling and impacting the canopy in loud pattering and splashing sounds.

Rodney groaned and whined as the water finally reached him, "So not only do I have a burnt hand, which I'll probably never be able to use again, but I'm going to get trench foot, pneumonia _and_ hypothermia, not to mention many other fun things I can't think of at the moment."

Ronon growled and shoved Rodney's shoulder with his knee so that McKay nearly fell over, "If you don't quit complaining, you might get a real injury to worry about."

John grabbed Rodney's upper arm to steady him as the water bottle was knocked out of his hand and spilled its contents onto the rapidly soaking undergrowth. The jolt had hit the edge of the bottle against Rodney's hurt fingers and John shot Ronon a warning look. Rodney closed his eyes and gritted his teeth as his hand shook through pain. John grabbed some bandages out of his tac vest and rolled them around Rodney's hand gently.

Soon, Teyla had water dripping into her eyes from her hair and quickly brushed it away from her face. She asked, "Have you been able to breach the shield yet, Rodney?"

He frowned at the tablet and said hotly, "No. There are actually many shields around the facility. I count about eight, each one has its own set of codes and lockouts."

John smirked, "You can crack it though?"

"Which part of the word 'lockout' do you not understand, Colonel?"

Ronon mumbled, "That's a no then."

Rodney sighed angrily as the rainwater started to seep through his clothes. He gathered up his gear and stood up.

His eyes suddenly widened as he propped the tablet in the crook of his arm so he did not have to touch it with his now bandaged and burnt hand. "Oh, no no no no no no!"

Teyla glanced across at him, wet to the skin, but still remaining stoic, "What is it, Rodney?"

"I'm detecting a massive build up of energy. Something must've detected me tampering with the code. Uh oh!"

He looked up at the building in the centre of the clearing beyond the invisible shields. "Don't look at it!" He cried and turned away, just before a massive explosion tore through the building and bathed the entire forest in blinding white light. The ground shook and the whole team soon found themselves sprawled out on the ground and riding out the shockwaves.

Rodney blinked his eyes open once the light had diminished somewhat and retrieved his tablet from the undergrowth where he had dropped it. John grabbed him under the arm and hauled him to his feet. Teyla and Ronon stood ready nearby.

John said, "Come on. We need to get out of here before the other shields fail."

Rodney's eyes widened in panic and he clicked the screen of the tablet and said very fast, "Oh! You're right. The inner shields have already failed to contain the explosion which is still powerful. The others are weakening all the time!"

John nodded and Teyla ran ahead of them back in the direction of the gate. John pushed Rodney to follow and grabbed the man's tablet and slapped it in the pocket on the back of his tac vest. Ronon came last and turned every now and then to look between the dripping trees and rain where he could still see the bright orange glow lighting up the sky above the canopy.

Rodney was almost hopping along, favouring his undamaged ankle, spurred onwards by the fist gripping the handle on the back of his tac vest. Very soon, he was huffing and puffing and shivering as his clothes clung to him through the drenching rainwater. He flagged for a second, only to be shoved in the back by John to run faster, "Come on!"

"Alright for you… military types… ugh!"

Ronon did not even seem out of breath, "Less talk, more running for your life, McKay!"

"Oh… I can… do that!"

They were a fair distance from the facility when the final shield sparked as it fully drained and wavered out of existence. The explosion finally had an outlet and tore through the surrounding forest. Trees fell and leaves were blasted from branches.

Ronon was pushed forwards first, as the rush of air from the explosion reached him. He was shoved into John, who in turn ploughed heavily into Rodney and they all ended up on the ground. Teyla also fell and for a while they all just lay on the damp ground and took stock of their bruises and made sure all limbs were intact.

Rodney moaned and muttered up into the canopy as he lay on his back, "Brilliant. That just about tops the whole day for me. Can you imagine what must've been in that lab to cause such a massive explosion?"

John rolled over to a crouch and shuffled over and sat down next to Rodney, who had his eyes closed. He squeezed the scientist's arm and asked, "Well, it's gone now."

Rodney spoke again and grimaced, "I'm thinking about Zed PMs or maybe the schematic of an everlasting shield that nothing can penetrate!"

Teyla and Ronon were already standing up and she looked down at Rodney sadly, "That would have been good for our fight against the Wraith, but it is now gone."

Ronon grunted and mumbled, "I think we should head back. Whatever was here is now gone, thanks to you, McKay."

Rodney furrowed his brow and kept his eyes closed as he lay still on the ground. The rain breaking through the canopy bounced from his face and he reached up and brushed it away with an indignant, but strangely sorrowful sigh.

John glared up at Ronon and then returned his gaze to Rodney. He asked quietly, "Can you get up, McKay? Ronon's right, there's nothing for us here any longer."

"I'm quite happy just to lie here, thank you very much. I think I've got blast lung and probable numerous fractures from that explosion."

John narrowed his eyes, grabbed Rodney's arm more firmly and pulled him upright.

Rodney tested his weight and rolled his wrists and ankles. He then patted down his chest and sides, wincing at the burns on his hand. Ronon raised his eyebrows, "Is it all there, McKay?"

Rodney gave him a haughty look and said, "Yes, no thanks to you! If I want to be shoved into a tree while I'm running as fast as I can, I'll know who to ask next time."

Ronon smirked and patted Rodney on the back affectionately as they all began to walk (and limp) back to the Gate at a more leisurely pace.

----------

**On the eighth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Eight shields a-sparking  
Seven damsels dancing  
Six wormholes whooshing  
Five McKay snarks  
Four Ronon blasts  
Three Teyla pouts**  
**Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	9. Nine Marines Moaning

**The Ninth Day – 2****nd**** January**

Corporal Lewis stood with the other new recruits to the Atlantis expedition in a large open hall. He had only just dropped off his gear after beaming down from the Daedalus. He had then reported straight to the assignment briefing with his colleagues, which was also the first meeting with his new CO.

He muttered angrily to the man next to him, "What the hell are we doing here? Babysitting civilians… I've been risking my ass every day in war zones for years. Seems like a cushy job to me."

The man next to him mumbled and nodded in agreement. Several others around him also turned and gave Lewis their approving looks. One just in front of him said, "I know. They say most of the work here involves standing around doing nothing."

Another man joined in the conversation, "If I wanted to do nothing I would've got a job in an office or something just as riveting."

Lewis chuckled, but then quickly silenced and stood to attention as Colonel Sheppard and Major Lorne walked into the room.

Lewis listened intently to the pep talk for a minute, but his mind soon wandered until he heard talk of 'gate duty.' He sighed in disgust and looked down to examine his hands.

"Is there a problem Corporal… Lewis?" Sheppard asked.

All eyes in the room turned to look at him and he snapped his head up and called, "No, Sir!"

"Glad to hear that, Corporal. In fact, we need some people to help us escort and protect a civilian on a very important mission this afternoon. You have experience working on land in dispute during a hostile and tense ceasefire?"

"Yes, Sir!"

Sheppard glanced at Major Lorne who gave him a tight nod. He turned back to Lewis and said, "In that case, I would like you to help me lead the mission. As we're all together now, I may as well go through the details with you."

Lewis pulled a notepad from his pocket and took notes as Sheppard spoke. He still felt put out that his suspicions had been confirmed. What the hell was so dangerous that they needed nine marines to escort a single civilian?

Sheppard showed them a map of the region on a large screen. Across the centre there was a red line and a small blue circle in the corner marked the position of the Stargate. He pointed to the region around the Gate and said, "The Enchalens live in this area and we are going to trade with them for an important device we need to increase the power of the city's shields. However, this region," he pointed to the northern area of the map, "Is occupied by the Genii."

Lewis straightened up and said, "I thought the Genii were no longer a threat to us?"

Lorne nodded slowly and said, "To us, no. But they have a fragile truce with the Enchalens at the moment. If they knew we were trading with their enemy they would see it as an act of war on the Enchalens' part and start hostilities again."

Sheppard directed his next speech towards Lewis, "Politics aside, we need to tread carefully, Corporal. Any infraction into Genii territory will more than likely enrage them and give them the reason they need to invade Enchalen land."

Lewis nodded in understanding and carried on taking notes while Sheppard continued. "I propose we take a Puddle Jumper through the Gate and land near the Enchalen settlement. If we're quick we can all be back before dinnertime."

Lewis nodded at the Colonel in agreement and then they were all dismissed to gather their gear together.

-------------------

Corporal Lewis sat on the bench in the rear compartment of the Puddle Jumper. Colonel Sheppard flew it out of the Stargate and swooped it down low over the trees towards the main Enchalen settlement. Lewis was squashed up next to his comrades as they sat four to one bench and five on the other. He let out a mighty sigh in annoyance.

Sheppard had also brought his team with them. The aliens, Teyla and Ronon were in the cockpit and he had even had the gall to place their civilian charge, Dr McKay, right up front with him in the co-pilot's seat.

"Don't know why _I_ have to do this," McKay muttered angrily.

Sheppard gave him a warning look and said, "It's only for a few hours, McKay! Then you can get back to your more important work."

"I mean, the Genii? I really don't want to be anywhere near them after last time…"

Teyla leant forwards in her seat, "Rodney, you are very well protected." She gestured back to Corporal Lewis and the other marines, "Even more so than usual."

Rodney grimaced and said loudly, "Oh yes, a whole team of jarheads! I feel reassured."

Corporal Lewis felt the bubbling anger in his chest start to boil over. Who did this man think he was? Why did the Colonel let him carry on so? Lewis knew that if he were riding up front next to the scientist, he would have chewed him out by now and reduced him to a cowering wreck. Instead, Sheppard just ignored the comments and carried on flying. Lewis trusted his CO's decision to protect this civilian despite his serious attitude problem and took a few inaudible deep breaths to quell the annoyance.

They had been flying for a little over half an hour when the Jumper jolted sharply from an unseen impact. Lewis curled his fingers around the bench and looked into the cockpit with the other marines to see what was going on.

Sheppard called out to them, "We're under attack! It's the Genii, they're aiming shots at us from beyond their borders."

"Aren't we cloaked?" Lewis asked.

McKay answered, "Why the hell wouldn't we be? They must've found a way to see through it. We're so, so screwed!"

Lewis frowned as McKay's voice squeaked and broke at the end. He wondered whether the civilian scientist had even passed any kind of basic SGC training and how he had ever been cleared for gate travel if he could not control his nerves.

The Jumper lurched under more impacts and then Lewis felt a falling sensation in the pit of his stomach. Sheppard said, "Brace yourselves, we're going down!"

Lewis leant forwards with the other marines and placed his hands over his head to protect it. He saw a blinding blue light just before he lost consciousness and slipped from the bench onto the floor.

----------------

Corporal Lewis awoke with a pounding headache and looked blearily around the interior of the crashed Jumper. Smoke was emanating from some of the damaged circuits. He blinked and steeled himself and took stock of his limbs and body. Finding nothing except his head paining him, he pushed himself up and stood.

The first thing he noticed was that the rear hatch to the Jumper was open. Teyla, Ronon, Sheppard and four of the other marines were already up and checking each other. Teyla had her arm strapped across her chest and Ronon had a bleeding cut across his forehead. Sheppard grimaced as he pulled a jacket up and over to cover the face of a dead marine.

Lewis also saw three more bodies next to the one Sheppard had just covered. He called out through the gloom of the smoke, "Report?"

Sheppard looked up at him and said, "We were shot down. The Genii have taken McKay. We're close to the border, but still in Enchalen territory."

Teyla frowned, "Dr McKay's subcutaneous transmitter is still showing up on our portable scanners. He has been taken deep into Genii territory."

Lewis straightened up and mulled the problem over. He looked at the shocked and beaten faces of his comrades and drew his conclusion, "I say we cut our losses and get out of here."

Ronon looked at him sternly, "And leave a civilian behind to die?"

"No! We get reinforcements, call the Daedalus and launch a covert op to get him back later."

Sheppard pressed his lips together in a thin line and at length he said, "The life sign connected with McKay's transmitter is weakening. We don't know what they're doing to him, but I don't think he can last for hours while we sit on our hands waiting for those reinforcements."

Lewis sat down on the bench and continued to think of other options, "But if we go and rescue him we risk more casualties, not only for the few of us who are left, but for the Enchalens as well. The Genii will invade their land as soon as they figure out what's going on."

Ronon grunted and muttered, "Don't forget the Genii shot _us_ down."

Lewis frowned and said, "True, but we must've been flying too close to the neutral territory between the two factions."

Sheppard grimaced at the accusation and summarised the options, "So we wait and let the Genii kill McKay, don't forget that he's a civilian and the only reason why we're here. Or we risk trying to rescue him."

Lewis nodded and narrowed his eyes in concentration. "I say we go with option two. I don't particularly like the man, but there is still a chance, if we're stealthy, that we can get him out of there and not provoke the Genii into attacking the Enchalens."

Sheppard nodded his approval and said, "Good call. Teyla, stay here with the Jumper and monitor the situation on the detector I've activated for you. When Atlantis checks in, let them know what's happened."

She winced as she nodded and took the scanner from Sheppard with her uninjured hand.

Lewis checked the Jumper for guns and ammo, but came up short he said, "The Genii took all of our weapons!"

Sheppard pulled up the rear bench and grabbed some Wraith stunners from under the seat. "They never find these." He handed one each to Ronon, Lewis and the other four marines.

"A stunner?" Lewis asked, "How are we going to fight only using stunners?"

Ronon raised his eyebrows, "Rather use hand to hand? We'll have to train together later."

Lewis shook his head and said, "No, stunners are fine. Better than nothing. Let's move out."

Sheppard studied his life signs detector and lead the way out into the dark forest where the Jumper had crashed. Broken branches littered the ground behind the craft and a furrow of earth had been pushed up all around it where it had dragged along the ground for many metres.

Lewis' eyes soon became accustomed to the dull light as he gazed up and saw three large and bright moons shining down and illuminating the scene.

Sheppard gestured using hand signals and whispered, "We're next to the border."

Lewis nodded with the other marines and Ronon crouched down to study the ground.

The Satedan brushed his hand over the soil and straightened up. He mumbled, "Many people came this way. One, very reluctantly."

Sheppard gave him a look of understanding and then silently walked over and across the invisible line marking the point of no return into Genii territory. Corporal Lewis took a deep breath and followed with his comrades.

They had been making excellent progress and were at least a mile into the Genii region, when the forest around them lit up with bolts of blue energy flying out towards them. All four of the marines next to Lewis fell in succession as they valiantly fired their own shots into the darkness.

Ronon and Sheppard came over and they all crouched down close to the ground, using a tree for cover. Ronon shuffled away to the fallen marines and checked their necks. He rolled back along the ground as his previous location was peppered with more enemy shots.

He shimmied up next to Lewis and Sheppard and said, "They're all dead."

Lewis frowned, "But those are stunner shots!"

Sheppard also looked a little confused and then said, "They must've found a way to dial up the setting."

Energy blasts continued to assail the three figures as they remained pinned down behind the tree. Sheppard drew out his life signs detector and waved the screen so that Ronon and Lewis would see. The Corporal saw hundreds of life signs all around them converging on their position.

Sheppard said, "There's no way we can fight them all off. I need options."

Ronon shook his head, "I say we take out as many of them as possible before they get us."

Lewis steeled his expression and emotions and pointed to the screen and said, "How about we take this section and punch our way through."

Sheppard replied, "It's a long shot, but worth a try."

Lewis hitched up his stunner in both hands and prepared to leave the cover of the tree, when his radio buzzed.

"_Teyla to anyone who can receive me!"_

She sounded rattled, but Lewis did not yet know her well enough to realise the full significance of that fact.

Sheppard answered quietly, "This is Sheppard, go ahead."

Her shaking voice returned to the radios, "_The Genii have invaded Enchala! Many people are dead. Rodney's life sign vanished from the sensors a few minutes ago. They killed him as soon as I saw the Genii beginning to converge on your location."_

Lewis felt his heart pounding in dread. He had failed. Not only to protect his single civilian charge, but also to prevent all out war between two peoples who he had never even met. Now they were all going to die.

Teyla continued,_ "There are too many of them around you. I believe they will not take any prisoners."_

Lewis nodded grimly as he reached up and tapped his own radio, "Stay put, Teyla. Make sure Atlantis finds out what happened here."

Sheppard set his face in a stoic expression as he gave Lewis a glance in agreement. They then faced outwards and met the approaching forces with all that they had left.

Corporal Lewis heard and felt Colonel Sheppard fall behind him and then Ronon also staggered under several impacts and crumpled onto the ground. Teyla's voice came over the radio in a frightened cry and she said in a fearful and clipped voice, _"I am sorry. If anyone can still hear this… they have found me. They are targeting the Jumper with missiles. I do not think…"_ there was a loud whoosh and explosion over the radio channel before the link went dead.

Lewis roared into the night as he continued to fire at the approaching Genii soldiers. A blue bolt of energy suddenly found home and struck him in the chest. He slipped away from awareness and fell down to join the others on the ground.

-----------------

Corporal Lewis woke up in confusion to the sound of jubilant and raucous laughter. He rubbed his forehead and opened his eyes.

He frowned when he saw that he was lying on the floor in the back of a Puddle Jumper and all around him seated on the benches were the marines he had seen die earlier. He mumbled, "What the hell?"

One of the marines shouted, "Sir, sleeping beauty's awake!"

Lewis sat upright just in time to see Dr McKay taking over the controls as Sheppard got up from the pilot's seat. His frown deepened and he rubbed his head again and said, "Did I hit my head harder than I thought back there?"

There was no more laughter, but many of the marines looked like they were stifling it. Sheppard sat down on the deck next to Lewis and said, "No, you didn't hit your head at all. Fallout from the Wraith stunner I'm afraid. Should be gone in a couple of hours."

"But Sir, everyone here died, _you_ died."

Sheppard patted Lewis' back and asked, "Do I _look_ dead to you, Corporal?"

Lewis shook his head quickly. Sheppard continued, "You just took part in an elaborate training exercise designed for all new recruits on Atlantis. I'm pleased to say you passed with flying colours."

Lewis gave him a lopsided grin and said incredulously, "But everyone died! The Genii invaded Enchala!"

Sheppard replied, "I know, but they would've done anyway, no matter what decision you made. Also, you put the civilian's life first; above your own life and more importantly above the lives of your comrades. To me that makes you top notch officer class material and a man I would trust to lead any of the offworld teams."

Lewis smiled as the marines around him broke into applause and cheered loudly. Sheppard patted him on the back and leaned forwards to speak under his breath, "Between you and me, not many people have passed when we've used McKay as the civilian victim and for that I honour you even more."

Lewis smiled broadly as Sheppard continued, "McKay's a man you may not necessarily _want_ to protect, but who you must anyway."

An indignant voice wafted back to them from the cockpit, "You know I can hear you, Sheppard? And of course I feel the same way about you."

Sheppard nodded his head towards the cockpit and gave Corporal Lewis a look that said, _"See what I mean?"_

_----------_

**On the ninth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Nine marines moaning**  
**Eight shields a-sparking  
****Seven damsels dancing  
****Six wormholes whooshing  
****Five McKay snarks  
****Four Ronon blasts  
****Three Teyla pouts  
****Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**

A/N – I 'borrowed' the idea of an impossible mission from Star Trek's Kobayashi Maru no-win training scenario and adapted it for Atlantis.


	10. Ten Wraith a Running

**The Tenth Day – 3****rd**** January (AKA - Another Day, Another Cull)**

The Wraith commander growled and sneered as he picked his way through the meadow with nine useless and idiotic drones flanking him. His hunger lay deep and he knew the vessel that had just crashed was close. He could taste the fear in the air as it invaded his senses. He smiled with his jagged teeth and drooled a little at the promise of a meal soon.

He felt a shiver running through the minds of his drones. A whisper came into his mind also, _"Lanteans. Atlantis. Earth!"_

His eyes widened and more saliva spilled from his mouth at the thought of billions of lives which could be culled if the Lanteans ever gave away the location of their homeworld.

He hung back as the group approached the stricken craft they had just shot down using many darts from the orbiting Hive ship. The drones surged forwards and he felt the excitement coursing through them in its limited way.

The drones pulled the door open on the back of the crashed ship and the commander let his mind invade theirs so that he could see through their eyes. He saw that the ship was empty and gritted his teeth and wrinkled his nose in fury as he growled, "Where are they! Find them, their fear is palpable! They must be close."

The drones, hearing his anger and command wandered away from the ship. Their senses not as perfected as his they headed away from the concentrated fear and tension the commander could still feel in the air. Although it was difficult to localise as the sense was so strong. The commander took control of one of the drones and put him back on course.

He received a brief glimpse of their prize through the drone's eyes before he was sprayed with tiny pieces of sharp metal from a flashing object in the prey's hands. The drone fell, but not before the commander got a good look at the humans they were after. He saw four of them. Three took the shots, he was surprised to see there was also a female with the three males. Only two of the males fired and the third, smaller than the others, cowered at the back of the group and did not even fire once.

The commander roared into the sky as the humans took out four more of his drones. He linked with his Hive and called down a vessel to scoop them up. The hunt was supposed to cause enjoyment, but he had not bargained on the prey fighting back and destroying his warrior escort.

He snarled and activated the life signs detector on his arm as he walked forwards with the four remaining drones. Their minds strangely empty and clear now that it was not looking like the capture and cull of these creatures was going to be as easy as they first thought.

The commander drew his stunner and looked at his sleeve. The humans had split up. Two were heading back towards their space craft while the others waited nearby. He could almost smell their emotions in the air and decided to head towards the ship first to stop them from getting away.

His sharp hearing picked up their conversation long before he saw them.

"There are still more of them out there! I don't want to be running around when they send down the darts. Why did we even leave the Jumper?" His voice was high pitched and whiny and the commander's lip curled into a snarl.

"McKay," the other drawled, "We knew they'd head for the Jumper first. We're better out in the open in case they shot it from orbit."

"What? Where they can scoop us up to suck our life force dry after months of hanging in those gross tendril cocoons waiting for the inevitable. Great plan, Colonel, really great!"

"Quiet, McKay!"

"What, you don't want to hear about what's going to happen in about two seconds!"

"Shhhh!"

The commander glanced at his arm and noted that the life signs had stopped moving. They were waiting for him and his drones. His meal was so close; he did not want them to be picked up by one of the vessels from his Hive. He grew weary of the hunt and wanted to see the look in their eyes as he drained these two humans dry for his own sustenance.

He mentally communicated his plan to the four drones with him and they obeyed without question. The meadow had long since turned into a wood and capturing the humans from the air would prove difficult. "But not impossible," he muttered quietly and grinned wickedly. The drones fed back to him in agreement and he drew in their feeble emotions to build his strength.

He stood still as two of his drones ran one way and the other two went to circle around the back of the prey. The commander looked at his arm and noted in satisfaction that the two missing humans were a long way away and would probably never get back in time.

He ran forwards and saw three more of his drones fall at the hands of the humans. He saw the small man again with one of the other warriors, he even had his weapon drawn and felled a drone. The commander smiled and fired his stunner at the stronger of the two. The man grunted as the blue light spread out across his chest and he fell down onto the ground.

The other human male squeaked in shock and fear as he fumbled to reload his weapon. The commander stopped the single remaining drone in his tracks and moved in for the kill. He holstered his stunner and decided he wanted this one to be conscious as he fed.

The human finally managed to reload his weapon and shot metal into the commander. He felt nothing and was hardly slowed as his wounds healed almost instantly. The man backed away in fright as his efforts to prevent his fate failed. The commander surged forwards, swiped his hand along sharply and knocked the weapon from the man's hand. He cried out in pain and shock.

The commander brought up his hand again and struck the human a savage blow to his soft midsection. He coughed and panted as he hit a nearby tree, but remained conscious, even as he began to slide down the tree and held onto himself where he had just been hit.

The commander took hold of the human's upper arm in a rough grip and wrenched him upright. He used his sharp claws to tear through the man's clothes and expose his chest. He ignored the trail of blood he accidentally left along the man's skin and drew his feeding hand back for the kill. The human whimpered and wriggled and shifted with all his might to get away before the inevitable. He was easy to hold down and barely taxed the commander's considerable extra strength.

The commander savoured wave after wave of intoxicating and delightful fear as they emanated from the human. He leered down at the small man's expression and wide, frightened eyes as he looked up at palm of his feeding hand.

Suddenly, in the back of his mind the commander felt the last of his drones fall. He was just about to plant his palm on the skin of the human to feed when his back was hit with more metal fragments and something far more powerful.

The commander roared as he was torn away from the human when the impacts became too much for his healing process to compensate for. He watched as the man fell down onto the ground and curled up, hugging his arms against his belly and bleeding chest. He furrowed his brow, but the commander no longer had the strength to move over to him and use his life force to heal his own injuries.

A female said somewhere above him, "He was the last one. Come on, Rodney. John has been stunned, but you can still fix the Jumper to cloak and get us back home."

The commander closed his eyes and blood dribbled from his mouth. He heard a shaky voice replying, "You don't expect that much then! I think that Wraith just split half of my ribs with his ridiculously long finger nails, not to mention the internal bleeding from where he hit me."

There was a pause and the commander felt the ground vibrate as the humans moved about. A gruff voice said, "Doesn't look too bad. Just a little bruise and a cut."

"Little?! Look it's practically black already."

"Ronon is right. The sooner you fix the Jumper, the sooner you can be in the infirmary in the hands of Dr Keller."

A fearful squeak replied, "Oh! There's a dart approaching!"

"All the more reason to fix the ship and get us out of here."

"Help me with the Colonel, please Ronon."

The emotions radiating from the humans soon floated away from him as he lay on the ground. He sensed that they were now far away from him and probably back on their ship. He gagged as black blood flowed up into his throat and he choked.

His mind became hazy when he could no longer draw breath. The last thing he heard was the sound of an unfamiliar engine whining above the noise of an approaching dart from his Hive. He would have liked to howl in frustration into the forest, but his feelings and knowledge just darkened and then faded into nothing and he knew no more.

----------

**On the tenth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Ten Wraith a-running  
Nine marines moaning  
Eight shields a-sparking  
Seven damsels dancing  
Six wormholes whooshing  
Five McKay snarks  
Four Ronon blasts  
Three Teyla pouts  
Two Sheppard drawls  
And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	11. Eleven Bugs a Biting

A/N – Now for two McKay!whump fics just to finish it off - I do love a bit of horror …

**The Eleventh Day – 4****th**** January**

A beep and a sigh were the first things that Rodney heard at the edge of the darkness. The beeping suddenly sped up. He thought maybe it was a bomb getting closer to detonation and it sounded close; it was so fast. He could feel something in his throat and a soothing female voice above him, asking him to do something. His mind could not focus, but he tried to obey as he started to choke.

The voice changed into delight as he coughed and the pressure left his throat. He slipped down into the welcoming black once more, but not before he felt a vague sense of fiery pain throughout his whole being. He was glad for the darkness as it numbed him and all sense was washed away in the unconscious haze.

------------

_**Present…**_

"Hey, sleeping beauty, are you going to get up any time this century or do we need to ship you back to Earth?"

Rodney whispered weakly as the voice woke him up, "Sheppard?"

"Yes. You've been out for almost a week."

Rodney opened his eyes in shock and croaked, "A week?!" His vision was unfocused and the scene before him was nothing but a blur of shapes and colours blended together. He felt a straw in his mouth and sipped some water to soothe his parched throat.

The cool liquid only furthered Rodney's return to awareness and he soon felt a dull ache rolling through all his muscles and bones. He closed his eyes and trembled as the pain sharpened intensely.

The next thing he knew, the agony diminished to a dull throb somewhere in the back of his senses and he was able to open his eyes again. He raised his hands from where they had been by his sides and moved them up to his throat. There was a bandage tied around the side of his neck and he frowned in confusion and lowered them to rest on his abdomen. He felt more thick bandages under the covers and out of curiosity he pressed lightly. He shook and grimaced as it hurt him.

Sheppard was smiling in gratitude at Dr Keller's retreating back and turned to look at Rodney in concern when he heard a pained hiss. He frowned and grabbed one of Rodney's hands and pulled it away from his midsection and laid it down by his side again.

"Hey! What are you doing, McKay?"

Rodney kept his eyes closed and rode out the renewed fire assaulting his belly. He mumbled, "I don't remember what happened. How did I get here?"

John raised his eyebrows as Rodney narrowly cracked his blue eyes open and looked up at him in fear. John asked, "What's the last thing you _do_ remember?"

Rodney wracked his mind trying to think back to a time before the pain and the darkness. He furrowed his brow in concentration and grimaced. "We were on a mission."

John nodded at him in encouragement. Rodney did not speak again for a while and gazed off at the wall in front of him blankly. John patted the scientist's shoulder and prodded, "What next?"

Rodney shook his head a little to clear the trance and mumbled, "The usual trading mission. The natives… were rather nice for once. Uh, they gave us something to eat and drink and we, um, took some samples from them."

Rodney frowned and blinked slowly. He could not remember anything else, although he felt the memories were there, sealed away where he could not access them. He ground his teeth together in frustration.

John saw him flagging and prompted him a little, "What about the planet? Can you recall what it was like?"

Rodney had visions of feather clad men and women and large bonfires. He was unsure whether they were from the planet but hazarded a guess, "Woodland and, uh, birds?"

John looked at the scientist in exasperation and started to fill in the blanks, "Tropical rainforest. But there were many more animals there apart from birds…"

-------------------

_**A week ago…**_

Rodney wiped the back of his hand against his sweaty brow and scowled in discomfort as he walked through the rainforest. Ronon was a little way ahead, hacking at the giant leaves blocking their path back to the gate. John and Teyla followed him and made sure he did not get left behind.

"Ugh, this is gross! All my clothes are stuck to my skin in this infernal heat. Yuck!" He vigorously shook his hand and a massive ant-like creature which had just crawled across his palm flew off into a nearby tree with a soft splat.

John patted Rodney's back and asked, "You did use the insect repellent Keller gave us?"

Rodney grimaced and wrinkled his nose, "Yes, but it doesn't seem to be working."

Ronon turned around and held his sword still for a second. He mumbled, "Works fine for me."

John grinned, "Maybe they like your aftershave?"

Teyla frowned and smiled, but Rodney did not turn to look at them. He sighed angrily and swatted at his sleeve as if something had crawled underneath.

Teyla sensed another rant coming on and quickly said, "We are very close to the gate now, Rodney."

John smirked behind Rodney's back and said, "Yeah, soon we'll find out just how far those bugs have gone."

Rodney huffed and continued to walk as Ronon resumed slashing away at the overhanging leaves and branches.

-----------

_**Present…**_

"And you're not just making all of this up?" Rodney asked in annoyance.

John stopped mid recollection with his mouth hanging open and frowned in exasperation, "No. I'm telling it like it was. Any of this coming back to you yet?"

Rodney looked away sadly and uttered, "No."

"Well, we walked for a few more minutes until Ronon stopped suddenly…"

---------

_**A week ago…**_

Ronon quickly sheathed his sword and drew his blaster. He came back towards the others and John asked, "What is it?"

Ronon spoke quietly, "I can hear something."

Rodney rolled his eyes, "So can I. Sounds like millions of crawling things after my blood and flesh eating monkeys and who knows what the birds are after, uh…"

"Shhh," John lifted a finger to his lips and silenced the complaining scientist.

Rodney folded his arms across his chest and waited for the new noise to become apparent to him above the cacophony of squawks, rustles and whistles all around them. He frowned when John levelled his P90 up towards the canopy. Rodney was shifting nervously at his teammate's reactions and dropped his hand down onto his sidearm.

A dull drone suddenly started all around the team and John could now hear it. It set his teeth on edge and he had no idea where it was coming from. Ronon tensed and fired a few shots from his blaster up into the leaves above their heads. There was a sound of breaking branches and a large flying creature with claws and a sharp stinger fell down and landed with a soft and wet squish at Rodney's feet.

He yelped in fright and backed away from the horrid insect. "Ugh, eek, yuck! That thing's nearly as big as me!"

Ronon frowned at the trees around them and the buzzing noise gradually grew louder. He turned to the others and yelled, "Run!"

John did not need to be told twice. He shoved Rodney in the small of the back to get him moving and fired his P90 up at another one of the overgrown insects swooping down on them.

Teyla was slightly behind him and he could hear sporadic gunfire from her as she covered their rear.

John stopped and turned as he heard a loud flutter of wings close at hand. He squeezed the trigger on his P90 and the insect approaching him was turned into nothing but shredded legs and goo. He grimaced and angled his gun up again as another insect came down from the canopy.

He suddenly heard a cry behind him and had to ignore it for a moment to finish off the falling insect. He spun around and saw Rodney was staggering backwards under the weight of an insect which had landed on him. He raised his sidearm, but he was unable to shoot the insect before it bit into the side of his neck. The insect curled its abdomen up and a drop of venom leaking from the sting in its tail glinted slightly just before it jabbed it into Rodney's belly. McKay screamed and dropped his gun uselessly into the undergrowth as he fell backwards.

John noticed in growing horror that he could not see the insect's claws as they tore through Rodney's clothes and into his skin. He peppered the insect with bullets, being careful not to hit Rodney, who was writhing under the creature as it pumped venom into him and crunched down more deeply into his neck. Blood dribbled from its teeth and its compound eyes gazed blankly at nothing in particular as it jolted from the impacts and fell down on top of Rodney, who continued to scream and shudder violently.

"Help me!" John cried to Teyla as Ronon circled back to them and stood over Rodney to pick off the last of the insects with his blaster.

------------

_**Present…**_

"Oh," Rodney said softly and felt at his belly again with one hand and drew the other back up to his neck. "I'm actually quite glad I don't remember that…"

John smiled grimly at him in understanding. "Maybe it's a good thing. Because it got worse."

Rodney's eyes widened and he rubbed his sore midsection in panic.

John pressed on anyway, "The insects soon went away after that one got you. Ronon managed to get rid of any stragglers, but you…"

-----------

_**A week ago…**_

John crouched down next to Rodney with Teyla as he continued to shake and scream. John heaved the insect up and away and saw that its stinger was still embedded in Rodney. He grimaced and knew it would have to come out as the creature could still be pouring its horrid venom into the stricken man.

With Teyla's help he tugged out the stinger and shoved the insect right away. He tried to ignore the blood drenching the insect's face and stinger as it rolled over limply. Teyla pressed a bandage against the side of Rodney's neck as his blood spilled out into the undergrowth. Now that the insect had been lifted away, Rodney's body arched away from the ground in convulsions and John had to hold him down. McKay's breath came in shallow pants, and his voice was soon raw.

John took a hit in the side of the face as Rodney's arms flailed around uncontrollably. John gritted his teeth through the tingling pain on his cheek. He calculated McKay's movements carefully and eventually managed to get access. He tore away Rodney's tac vest and lifted his shirt away from the location of the sting.

Rodney suddenly opened his bloodshot and streaming eyes and lifted his upper torso away from the ground. His breathing evened out momentarily as he grabbed the front of John's tac vest tightly and pulled him closer. He whispered harshly, "Fire…" His eyes then rolled back in his head as he fell down and continued to twitch violently.

His breathing became shallower as John found the location of the sting. Dark red tendrils were visible under Rodney's skin all around the large puncture wound and John could see them rapidly spreading as he held Rodney down.

"We need to get him back to Atlantis!" John called out.

Rodney had stopped screaming and appeared to be unconscious, but he continued to shake and roll on the ground as the venom spread through him.

His breathing came in harsh gasps and soon started to wheeze and rattle in his chest as he struggled to carry on drawing in breath. John's eyes widened and he grabbed Rodney's hastily discarded tac vest and went through the pockets. He found the epi-pen and jabbed it into Rodney's leg.

After a moment, Rodney's breathing came more easily, but he was still running out of time. Teyla wrapped the bandage on his neck under his arm on the other side and it was already soaked bright red with blood. She pursed her lips as she laid another bandage over the other one.

John motioned for Ronon to come over and asked, "Can you carry him? We need to hurry."

Ronon grunted an affirmative and mumbled, "It's not far."

John tugged Rodney's shirt back down, there was no blood was coming from where the stinger had stabbed him. Teyla tied off the second bandage tightly and Rodney continued to tremble as the venom flowed through his veins and wreaked havoc with his nervous system.

Ronon gathered him up in his arms and tried not to jostle him as he rapidly made his way back to the gate. John turned to the crumpled insect on the ground and picked it up, carefully carrying it to avoid being scratched by the stinger. He nodded at Teyla. "Cover us. If they come back…"

She pressed her lips together in a thin line and raised her blood stained hands to tilt the muzzle of her P90 up ready.

------------

_**Present…**_

"Hey, Rodney, are you alright? Open your eyes." John stood up and moved closer to Rodney's prone form as a permanent grimace spread across his face and he clenched his teeth. He reached down and patted Rodney's shoulder, careful not to jolt the bandages around his neck.

He received a groan in response and Rodney began to shiver uncontrollably. John called Dr Keller over again and said in worry, "He's still suffering from it. Shouldn't he be getting better by now?"

Jennifer checked Rodney's monitor and injected something into his IV line again. The tremors soon stopped and Rodney's face slackened as his breathing evened out. She pursed her lips and turned to John. "He _is_ getting better. It'll just take time. The venom was very nasty and we're lucky we didn't lose him completely. Coupled with the blood loss from the bite and the anaphylactic shock from the sting, it's amazing he stayed with us while we worked out how to neutralize the venom."

John nodded and felt his mind ease slightly at the confident expression Jennifer was giving him. He said, "I suppose at least he's fully woken up for the first time. It's strange that he doesn't remember what happened though."

Jennifer frowned, "Must be a residual effect of the venom or maybe the trauma was too serious for his mind to cope with and want to retain."

John nodded and returned his gaze back down to the bed. He gripped Rodney's upper arm and gently squeezed. He said softly, "If the memory does ever come back. I'll be here for you."

Jennifer rested her hand on Rodney's forehead when John released his grasp and whispered, "So will I."

----------

**On the eleventh day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
Eleven bugs a-biting  
Ten Wraith a-running  
Nine marines moaning**  
**Eight shields a-sparking  
****Seven damsels dancing  
****Six wormholes whooshing  
****Five McKay snarks  
****Four Ronon blasts  
****Three Teyla pouts  
****Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	12. Twelve Wolves a Whumping V1

_A/N – So sad that this is the last one… but there's a special treat for you as there are two versions of this one! Um, depends how much you like really OTT Rodney!whump, I suppose. Would've been such a shame to lose the nasty one!_

**The Twelfth Day – 5****th**** January (The Toned Down Team Version)**

"Woah, woah! What're you doing?" Rodney asked in alarm as all of the male villagers in the bar surrounded him.

Ronon, Teyla and John raised their guns, but there were too many men in the room.

Rodney held out his hands. They had only just entered the small tavern to scope it out for potential trading partners and allies. The room had descended into silence when they walked in; like an old saloon. They all walked over to the barman and that was when the trouble had started.

Rodney glared at the approaching men with wide eyes, "Um, Sheppard? Think we could maybe, get out of here?"

John had been pushed back to the far wall along with Teyla and Ronon and could not see a clear path to retrieve McKay from the slightly malevolent movements of the locals towards the scientist.

Teyla called above the heads of the natives, "We are here to discuss trade and would be obliged if you would leave our teammate alone."

The men ignored her and one of them surged forwards quickly and grabbed Rodney's shoulders. McKay squeaked and backed up into another man behind him, who took hold of his waist in a firm grip so that he could not move. Two more pinned Rodney's arms behind his back.

Ronon lifted his blaster and mumbled, "Stun only," to Sheppard.

John nodded, "I know. If one of them has a knife… Do it!"

Ronon growled at the men in the bar and shouted, "Leave him alone!"

There was no response. The men were all audibly sniffing and pressed up as close as they could get to Rodney. The one holding his shoulders leered down at him wickedly.

Red bolts of energy started hitting the men and one by one they crumpled onto the floor. The man holding Rodney leant forwards and McKay turned his head to the side to try and get away from the bad breath coming from the man's mouth as it hung open and he grinned. Rodney saw black and strangely sharp teeth that did not look very human. The man suddenly licked a wide patch of saliva up Rodney's cheek with his tongue.

McKay cried out in disgust, shook his arms from the grasp of the men and planted a two handed shove on the man's chest to push him away. The man raised his eyebrows and closed his eyes slightly as he tilted his head back a little to sniff the air deeply. He then lifted his hand up towards Rodney.

McKay rubbed the dampness on the side of his face and grimaced, "Ugh, gross!" He saw long and dirty fingernails on the hand reaching out for him just before a red blast hit the man in the back and he fell down. Rodney felt the grip on his waist loosen and then release as one of Ronon's blaster shots found the man behind him and took him down.

The team looked around the room at the stunned men all lying on the floor. Teyla looked horrified, Rodney had found a tissue and was scrubbing the side of his face, Ronon holstered his blaster and shrugged.

John's mouth was open and he looked angry, "Not such a great way to open negotiations. We should head back to the Gate. Maybe we could try something else next time."

Rodney paused in his rubbing and lowered his hand a little. The tissue was now in pieces where it had been shredded against his stubble. His face was red almost to the point of being raw. He said, "Why were they all after me anyway?"

John smirked, "Maybe they '_liked'_ you."

Rodney's face dropped into a shocked expression as he was herded out of the bar behind Ronon and with John and Teyla behind him.

As soon as they left the bar, all of the men quickly got up as if nothing had happened and brushed themselves down. The man who had licked Rodney's face snarled and the others responded to him with growls of agreement.

--------------

The sun was setting as the team picked their way back to the Gate through the woodland surrounding the village. They walked for a couple of miles and Rodney huffed and rubbed his face again. Small spots of blood were starting to leak through his assaulted and thinning skin. John went up to him and grabbed Rodney's wrist and pulled it down. "Leave it alone. I know it's not nice, but if you keep rubbing it you might get it infected."

Rodney clenched his teeth and yanked his hand out of Sheppard's grasp. "It's just _so_ disgusting. When we get back I'm going to have to ask Keller to give me some acid or something to get rid of all the traces."

Teyla rolled her eyes at Rodney's back and tilted her head up to look into the now darkened sky. She narrowed her eyes as she saw the moons above them.

John also noticed the sky and patted Rodney on the shoulder, "Hey check it out. Five full moons, how romantic."

Rodney scowled but could not help looking up with the others to take in the celestial orbs above. Ronon waited for them to catch up and mumbled, "I've seen more."

McKay folded his arms across his chest and lifted his chin indignantly. "I'm sure you have."

Ronon chuckled and shook his head. He did not see the eyes glowing in the dark nearby or hear the rustle of a faint breeze against bristling fur.

Rodney shivered and spun around to look behind Teyla and John who were still guarding at the rear of the group. He frowned in confusion and shrugged, "Are we nearly there yet? This forest is really creeping me out and my face is sore."

Teyla shook her head and said, "Perhaps you should not have rubbed it earlier?"

Rodney narrowed his eyes at her just before he turned back to the front again.

They walked onwards under the glow of the moons, which illuminated the surrounding trees in twilight.

Suddenly without warning, a large creature leapt out of the trees and hit Rodney. He cried out as he was bowled over and landed with the creature on top of him. Many more creatures surrounded the team as the others fired at them to try and stop them.

They saw the creatures were more monstrous than the usual offworld Pegasus Galaxy fauna. They were large and wolf-like, but their eyes shone red and they were slightly larger than a man. Their sharp teeth dripped with saliva and they growled and roared as bullets and blaster shots tore into their thick fur.

Rodney screamed as the monster on him started ripping at him with its long claws. He lifted up his one still working and bloody hand in desperation and held onto the creature's throat as it dipped it's massive jaws down towards him.

A wolf ran past Sheppard and scraped its claws deeply across his back. He grunted and spun around to fire at the furry legs rapidly retreating into the shadows.

Ronon and Teyla had also been unlucky and despite their constant firing at the animals, they kept on coming at them. Ronon had a gash on his leg and Teyla was holding her arm against her chest as she continued to fire her P90 one handed.

John winced and ran over to Rodney who was still struggling under the wolf on him. Sheppard drew up his gun and fired several shots into the head of the creature at point blank range.

The monster howled a little just before it rolled off Rodney and lay still on the ground.

Ronon fired a blaster shot at another monster as it ran away, but they did not come back after John took the one attacking Rodney down.

McKay hugged his arms across his chest and had his eyes closed as he drew in gasping breaths. John crouched down and asked, "Where did it get you?"

"Feels like everywhere. Oh, ow!"

Teyla and Ronon kept their weapons up at the surrounding trees just in case the wolves came back.

John carefully unzipped Rodney's tac vest. He flinched a little as his movements pulled at the deep cuts across his shoulders. McKay's shirt was shiny with blood and John peeled it back and shone his torch down at Rodney's bare skin.

"Uh, McKay, there's nothing there."

"Wh-what? It still hurts like mad… um hang on. It's stopped."

John raised his eyebrows. There was still a small amount of blood on McKay's chest, but no wounds underneath. John rolled his shoulders experimentally and to his surprise he discovered that the lacerations did not pain him anymore.

"Teyla, Ronon, how're your injuries?"

Ronon grunted, "It's fine. Can't feel it."

Teyla smiled and said, "Ours wounds have healed as well, John."

They all shared puzzled expressions and suddenly the body of the wolf lying as if dead jolted. It got up slowly onto its feet and growled. Rodney quickly tugged his shirt back down and stood up to back away from it with the others.

He cried, "What the hell? Didn't you shoot that thing, Sheppard?!"

"I thought so."

Ronon ran over to the wolf and drew his sword. He flashed the blade down and quickly decapitated the monster. He grunted and said, "Let's see it survive that."

John shrugged and said, "We should get back to Atlantis and get them to initiate quarantine protocols until we can be checked."

John picked up the wolf's head. Teyla raised her eyebrows and John said sheepishly, "Must be some kind of poison or infection. Keller'll be able to get an antidote from a tissue sample."

Teyla rolled her eyes and shook her head as they made their way back to Atlantis as fast as possible.

-----------

The team stood gathered closely around Dr Keller in the infirmary as she spoke to them. She was slightly intimidated by the looks she was receiving and the snuffling sounds from all of them. She was unnerved by the way their eyes glinted dangerously as they regarded her.

"It, uh, was a photosensitive toxin which only responds and becomes dangerous under a certain type of light. We managed to flush it out of your bloodstreams, but any longer and you may have become dependent on for survival."

Rodney growled a little and then said, "All the moons are only visible at the same time once every hundred years."

John absently looked down at his hand, where the fingernails were unnaturally long and sharp. He barked, "When will we be back to normal?"

A grumble emanated from deep within Ronon's chest as he looked at Jennifer. She glanced at him in alarm and backed away again as she said slowly, "Well, it's only temporary. A few days at most."

Teyla bared her pointy teeth and woofed a little as she spoke as evenly as she could manage, "Thank you, Dr Keller. May we go back to our duties?"

Keller nodded, "Yes, but I'm restricting you to stay on Atlantis until you're all fully recovered."

The pack left the infirmary and Jennifer thought they stood too close to each other as they gambolled around energetically. She heard Rodney's voice yapping down the corridor as they got farther away. "We need to get some silver bullets"

John replied in a growl, "Do you think the military are made of money?

"Well, I think we need them."

The sound of four people's barking laughter echoed down the corridor. Jennifer rolled her eyes as she walked back into her lab.

----------

**On the twelfth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
****Twelve wolves a-whumping  
****Eleven bugs a-biting  
****Ten Wraith a-running  
****Nine marines moaning  
****Eight shields a-sparking  
****Seven damsels dancing  
****Six wormholes whooshing  
****Five McKay snarks  
****Four Ronon blasts  
****Three Teyla pouts  
****Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**


	13. Twelve Wolves a Whumping V2

_A/N – Okay, so here's the OTT Rodney!whump, gore and violence version… It diverges after they leave the bar._

**The Twelfth Day – 5****th**** January (The Nasty One)**

"Woah, woah! What're you doing?" Rodney asked in alarm as all of the male villagers in the bar surrounded him.

Ronon, Teyla and John raised their guns, but there were too many men in the room.

Rodney held out his hands. They had only just entered the small tavern to scope it out for potential trading partners and allies. The room had descended into silence when they walked in; like an old saloon. They all walked over to the barman and that was when the trouble had started.

Rodney glared at the approaching men with wide eyes, "Um, Sheppard? Think we could maybe, get out of here?"

John had been pushed back to the far wall along with Teyla and Ronon and could not see a clear path to retrieve McKay from the slightly malevolent movements of the locals towards the scientist.

Teyla called above the heads of the natives, "We are here to discuss trade and would be obliged if you would leave our teammate alone."

The men ignored her and one of them surged forwards quickly and grabbed Rodney's shoulders. McKay squeaked and backed up into another man behind him, who took hold of his waist in a firm grip so that he could not move. Two more pinned Rodney's arms behind his back.

Ronon lifted his blaster and mumbled, "Stun only," to Sheppard.

John nodded, "I know. If one of them has a knife… Do it!"

Ronon growled at the men in the bar and shouted, "Leave him alone!"

There was no response. The men were all audibly sniffing and pressed up as close as they could get to Rodney. The one holding his shoulders leered down at him wickedly.

Red bolts of energy started hitting the men and one by one they crumpled onto the floor. The man holding Rodney leant forwards and McKay turned his head to the side to try and get away from the bad breath coming from the man's mouth as it hung open and he grinned. Rodney saw black and strangely sharp teeth that did not look very human. The man suddenly licked a wide patch of saliva up Rodney's cheek with his tongue.

McKay cried out in disgust, shook his arms from the grasp of the men and planted a two handed shove on the man's chest to push him away. The man raised his eyebrows and closed his eyes slightly as he tilted his head back a little to sniff the air deeply. He then lifted his hand up towards Rodney.

McKay rubbed the dampness on the side of his face and grimaced, "Ugh, gross!" He saw long and dirty fingernails on the hand reaching out for him just before a red blast hit the man in the back and he fell down. Rodney felt the grip on his waist loosen and then release as one of Ronon's blaster shots found the man behind him and took him down.

The team looked around the room at the stunned men all lying on the floor. Teyla looked horrified, Rodney had found a tissue and was scrubbing the side of his face, Ronon holstered his blaster and shrugged.

John's mouth was open and he looked angry, "Not such a great way to open negotiations. We should head back to the Gate. Maybe we could try something else next time."

Rodney paused in his rubbing and lowered his hand a little. The tissue was now in pieces where it had been shredded against his stubble. His face was red almost to the point of being raw. He said, "Why were they all after me anyway?"

John smirked, "Maybe they '_liked'_ you."

Rodney's face dropped into a shocked expression as he was herded out of the bar behind Ronon and with John and Teyla behind him.

As soon as they left the bar, all of the men quickly got up as if nothing had happened and brushed themselves down. The man who had licked Rodney's face snarled and the others responded to him with growls of agreement.

--------------

The sun was setting as the team picked their way back to the Gate through the woodland surrounding the village. They walked for a couple of miles and Rodney huffed and rubbed his face again. Small spots of blood were starting to leak through his assaulted and thinning skin. John went up to him and grabbed Rodney's wrist and pulled it down. "Leave it alone. I know it's not nice, but if you keep rubbing it you might get it infected."

Rodney clenched his teeth and yanked his hand out of Sheppard's grasp. "It's just _so_ disgusting. When we get back I'm going to have to ask Keller to give me some acid or something to get rid of all the traces."

Teyla rolled her eyes at Rodney's back and tilted her head up to look into the now darkened sky. She narrowed her eyes as she saw the moons above them.

John also noticed the sky and patted Rodney on the shoulder, "Hey check it out. Five full moons, how romantic."

Rodney scowled but could not help looking up with the others to take in the celestial orbs above. Ronon waited for them to catch up and mumbled, "I've seen more."

McKay folded his arms across his chest and lifted his chin indignantly. "I'm sure you have."

Ronon chuckled and shook his head. He did not see the eyes glowing in the dark nearby or hear the rustle of a faint breeze against bristling fur.

Rodney shivered and spun around to look behind Teyla and John who were still guarding at the rear of the group. He frowned in confusion and shrugged, "Are we nearly there yet? This forest is really creeping me out and my face is sore."

Teyla shook her head and said, "Perhaps you should not have rubbed it earlier?"

Rodney narrowed his eyes at her just before he turned back to the front again.

They walked onwards under the glow of the moons, which illuminated the surrounding trees in twilight.

Suddenly without warning, a large creature leapt out of the trees and hit Rodney. He cried out as he was bowled over and landed with the creature on top of him. Many more creatures surrounded the team as the others fired at them to try and stop them.

They saw the creatures were more monstrous than the usual offworld Pegasus Galaxy fauna. They were large and wolf-like, but their eyes shone red and they were slightly larger than a man. Their sharp teeth dripped with saliva and they growled and roared as bullets and blaster shots tore into their thick fur.

Rodney screamed as the monster on him started ripping at him with its long claws. He lifted up his one still working and bloody hand in desperation and held onto the creature's throat as it dipped it's massive jaws down towards him.

Several of the creatures had fallen and the others were beginning to back away. The rest of the team focused their fire on the creature that was on the verge of winning its fight to get a dinner of human scientist.

The monster tipped its horrid mouth down as Rodney's strength failed him. He curled up onto his side and covered his head as best he could to protect it. The creature jolted under the impacts of the weapons but they did not seem to be affecting it as it snarled and embedded its claws deeply into Rodney's skin to hold him steady as it opened its mouth wider. It clamped its jaw over his side and bit down hard.

Rodney flinched and screamed again as his ribs were pressed and crushed in between the monster's powerful jaws.

John ran over and shot point blank into the creature's head as its teeth sunk further into Rodney's flesh.

The monster finally closed its eyes and released its grip on the scientist. Its jaws swung open and it rolled over, raking its claws across Rodney as it fell.

McKay was unconscious and Ronon and Teyla looked warily around the woodland as John crouched down and felt for a pulse underneath all the blood. "He's still alive, but barely!"

The wolves seemed to have gone and Teyla also knelt down next to Rodney's prone form. John had a flashlight out and was trying to locate the worst injury, but it was difficult as there were so many. Rodney's breath was shallow and gargled slightly in his throat as blood came from his mouth.

John unzipped the remnants of McKay's torn tac vest and peeled away his bloodsoaked and frayed shirt. He winced at the huge puncture wounds from the teeth, the slashes from the claws and the clearly broken ribs all down one side of Rodney's chest. He used a pressure bandage on the deepest of the bleeding cuts, but there were just too many.

Rodney's breathing became laboured and even shallower. Teyla furrowed her brow as she too pressed a bandage on Rodney's side, "John, we need to get him back to Atlantis! He is too badly hurt."

John set his face in a steely expression and shook his head. "We can't move him."

Ronon kept looking into the surrounding trees with his blaster ready and spoke gruffly, "We can't leave him either. I'll run back to the gate and get help."

Teyla shook her head sadly, "We cannot split up. It took all three of us to kill _one_ of the animals. If they catch you, they will kill you."

Ronon frowned and waved his blaster, "Not if I can help it."

John grimaced as he mulled over his decision. He was still torn when Rodney's eyes snapped open and he drew in a deep breath. He muttered quietly, "What happened?"

Teyla looked confused and said, "You were attacked. I did not think you would wake again."

Rodney rolled over onto his back and pushed himself upright. He looked down at himself and asked, "Uh, where's my shirt?"

Ronon watched the scientist warily and John shone his flashlight onto Rodney's chest and abdomen. Signs of the fatal injuries he had had were fading. The skin knitting together as they watched.

John stepped back a little a said, "Rodney? Look," he pointed with his free hand at McKay's torso.

Rodney looked down at himself and watched in horrified fascination as the last of the cuts vanished and left behind only blood in their stead. He wiped a hand over his skin and held it out in front of his face. "Wh-what's happening to me?"

The others were too intent on watching his miraculous recovery and did not see the wolf which had been shot many times, as it got up and shook itself.

Rodney sniffed and turned towards the creature. He snarled and released a feral growl as the wolf ran at him. He swatted it away with a fist as it pounced on him and the wolf whimpered and rolled over. Rodney looked down in confusion at his hand.

Ronon ran over to the wolf and drew his sword. He flashed the blade down and quickly decapitated the monster. He grunted and said, "Let's see it survive that."

Rodney was still studying his hand and held it out flat under the moonlight. "Uh, I think there's something wrong with me."

The others turned to him and watched as Rodney's nails lengthened into sharp claws. John shouted, "Stun him!"

Ronon obliged and a red wave of energy spread over Rodney's bare chest and he screwed his face up and stiffened before he fell down.

Teyla helped Ronon shoulder the unconscious scientist and John picked up the wolf's head. Teyla raised her eyebrows and John said sheepishly, "Must be some kind of poison or infection. Keller should be able to get an antidote from a tissue sample."

Teyla rolled her eyes and shook her head as they made their way back to Atlantis as fast as possible.

-------------

Rodney was in one of the infirmary beds, absently examining his long and sharp fingernails as John and Jennifer stood next to him. He was growling quietly under his breath in impatience as he listened to them speaking.

Jennifer said, "It was a photosensitive toxin which only responds and becomes dangerous under a certain type of light. We managed to flush it out of Rodney's bloodstream, but any longer and he would've become dependent on for survival."

Rodney bristled a little, "All the moons are only visible at the same time once every hundred years."

Jennifer nodded at him and continued, "The stun blast slowed the transformation, but several of Rodney's internal organs showed signs of disruption. Some grew while others shrunk. Had you not returned him when you did, his system would've been overwhelmed and the changes would've become irreversible."

John stayed by Rodney as Jennifer walked back into her lab. He asked, "How are you feeling?"

"Great!" Rodney yapped. "Better than great! In fact, I ran three laps around the city earlier and didn't even break a sweat or get out of breath before I was caught and forced to come back here."

"Really? That's good news."

"No it isn't. Keller says it's only temporary until my heart and lungs are back to normal.

"Hmm, want to spar with me?

Rodney barked a short incredulous laugh and said, "What? Keller'll have my head if I leave again.

"She doesn't have to know. After all, you did say it was only temporary.

Rodney shrugged and his voice rumbled deeply in his chest as he growled, "Okay then." He then stood up and took a deep breath and raised his eyebrows at John as he woofed, "Bet you can't beat me though!"

"We'll see…"

----------

**On the twelfth day of Christmas, Atlantis gave to me…  
****Twelve wolves a-whumping  
****Eleven bugs a-biting  
****Ten Wraith a-running  
****Nine marines moaning  
****Eight shields a-sparking  
****Seven damsels dancing  
****Six wormholes whooshing  
****Five McKay snarks  
****Four Ronon blasts  
****Three Teyla pouts  
****Two Sheppard drawls  
****And a Jumper crashed into a tree!**

_A/N – The End! Thanks for reading!_


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